(This was written up in a recent edition of the Las Vegas Mercury.)
Here’s the scenario: a young woman meets a guy in a library. Their eyes meet, conversation ensues, leading up to a date that goes quite well. The next day, they — without planning it — run into each other at the library and make plans for another date. She’s full of anticipation.
So far, so good.
She decides, just for a lark, to enter his name into Google and finds his weblog. Thinking it might give her a better idea of what this guy she just met is like, she reads:
Thursday, 3:45pm: Met a sexy girl at the library. She sat across from me. The whole time, all I could think about was taking her in the stacks, just getting crazy dog-style sexy all up in that. All tantric and kama sutra up in the periodicals! Oh man. But I’m pretty inadequate sexually. Only been with five girls. Anyway, I ended up asking her out and we’re going out tonight.
Friday, 2:15am: Library girl and I went out and had a great time. I was hoping she’d give me a hand job, but she didn’t. I don’t think she’s a very good kisser, her tongue seemed really long to me. Not many women usually find me attractive so I’m kind of bummed about this tongue thing. I’d like to go to her house again and see if she’ll give me a hand job. Sorry to be obsessing over hand jobs, but I just tried mushrooms for the first time…I’m 25 and just starting to take drugs! Yipee!
Friday, 4:27pm: Saw library girl at the library. We’re going out tonight, though I’m gonna call her in about 10 minutes and suggest I just come over with a movie. I want to be a screenwriter and she wants to be a writer so maybe she’ll find this really romantic and she’ll give me a hand job.
Needless to say, that second date never took place.
However, the guy seeking a hand job probably got one later that weekend — it turns out that a woman he’d met through her online journal was flying in town for a weekend romp with him. This was documented in the guy’s weblog, of course.
The lesson here is so obvious that I won’t even bother stating it.
That TikTok wellness influencer is so close to getting it.
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