Is there one that makes you taste like chicken?

Sweet Release is a new product that…oh, you’re not going to believe me. See for yourself.

(In The Happiest Geek on Earth):

End-of-week grab bag. Little bits of news about programming, what I’m up to programming-wise, and the O’Reilly Emerging Technologies conference.

Read it here.

Oy! / Aiyahh! New mags to read!

Jews and Asians have some similarities:

• We were the kids cleaning up in math and science class
• We have a strong showing in the computer world
• Strong family ties
• Our mothers tend to be overbearing
• Some tendencies towrds clannishness
• Strong pressure from the parentals to get a university degree
• Thick black hair requiring the strongest gel
• Cosmetic surgery (Jews: nose jobs, Asians: eye jobs)
• A love of Chinese food
• Hiring Filipino domestic help
• Run-ins with the original Axis of evil (Jews: Hitler, Asians: Hirohito, who got off too easy)
• Signature cars (Jews: VW rabbit/Jeep YJ, Asians: Honda CR-V, Honda Civic)
• And dammit, we own New York, baby!

But there are two glaring differences: We Asians eat pork, and we’ve got a too-cool-for-school don’t-you-wish-you-were-us magazine: Giant Robot.

My pal Cory Doctorow compensates by eating pork (and in the most incorrect way possible — he orders his veggie burgers with bacon and cheese) and reading Giant Robot.

He — like anyone, Asian or not — is still welcome to read Giant Robot, but now there’s Heeb, the urban Jewish hipster mag. I’ve seen it on the shelves in Toronto, but can’t remember where. Congratulations to all my Jewish hipster homies on getting some reading material. Cory, when are you gonna start submitting stuff to them?

As for Canadian Asians, there’s also something new on the magazine racks for us — Banana. In the interest of fairness, I’ll post some cheesecake from the magazine’s site:

To my Jewish homies, I propose a cultural exchange. I’ll trade you guys Mu Shu Pork for Nigella Lawson. Sound fair?

Special shout out to my Hebrew homeboy Cory D. for pointing out Heeb.

Kampin’

Ted Nugent, rock star-turned-bowhunter, has a summer camp called Ted Nugent’s Kamp for Kids. Asides from the fact that you’re trusting your kids to The Nuge, Bill Barol also rightly observes that the name of the camp is too reminiscent of the terrible Kamp Krusty.

For those of you who are into bowhunting, you might want to try the “Shoot/Don’t Shoot” test, where you’re presented with views of 12 deer and are asked whether it’s a good short or not.

(In The Happiest Geek on Earth):

If you ignore these important words from our sponsor, you’re a goddamned thief!

Read it here.

I envy Helen

My friend Helen replied to an invitation to my house for a barbecue with the following line:

Ooh! Smashing!

Thanks to her Britishness and English accent, she can actually use the adjective “smashing” without irony.

It would be smashing if I could do that.

I can’t put my finger on exactly why, but this is just plain wrong, dammit

Craig Good wrote this on Peace Dividend:

“They were alone in the house. It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come up quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.

She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance. She wished he would take her in his arms, comfort her, protect her from the storm, she wanted that…

Then the power went out. She screamed. He raced to the sofa where she was cowering. He did not hesitate to pull her into his arms. He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back. He was surprised when she didn’t resist but instead clung to him. The storm raged on, as did their growing passion…

There came a moment when each knew they had to be together. They knew it was wrong… Their families would not understand… but… so consumed in their passion, they didn’t hear the door open… the click of the light switch… the power was back on, and…”

[Craig Good’s original entry is here.]

This cheap Harlequin romance prose was inspired by this picture.

Dammit, it’s just wrong.