A disagreement between gentlemen (or, “The Leftersons” revisted)

Here’s the meat of an entry of mine made on Tuesday, September 3rd, 2002:

Stupid online comic of the month

Just in case you thought only “The Left” were masters of ham-fisted witless diatribes attempting to pass for humour, may I present The Leftersons (“America’s favorite liberal family!”). The Leftersons are a nuclear family of sorts — there’s an unnamed Mom and Dad, a daughter named Hillary, and a son named Stalin (Leftersons cartoonist Colin Hayes is probably still slapping his knee over that witty little gem). There’s also a goldfish who plays the double role of being the only sensible (read: extremely conservative) member of the family and Greek chorus as well as Stalin’s pal Tommy, a sensible (read: extremely conservative) African-American (well, Stalin calls him “African-American”, to which he replies “You mean black?”) whose role models include Clarence Thomas, Thomas Sowell and Dr. Tony Evans.

Hayes’ line-drawing style is pretty good, and he owes it to the fact that he’s been drawing since the age of four. The problem is that it looks as though his writing style is stuck at that age, as he goes straight for “Liberals are stoopid, just ’cause” angle rather than spelling out his case. Sir, I’ve read lots of P.J. O’Rourke, and you’re no P.J. O’Rourke.

I still stand by my opinion — good drawing, bad joke-telling.

Earlier this evening, just before I went out to join my friends in some dancin’, drinkin’ and accordion playin’, an e-mail message from Leftersons artist Colin Hayes appeared in my inbox. Here it is (cut-and-pasted verbatim, with his permission):

Subject: goodbye cruel world

It’s time for me to end it all. I can no longer go on.

I read your review of my comic strip, The Leftersons, on your masterpiece of a webblog and…well…I’m crushed. Your opinion means more to me than life itself.

By the way, drawing “since the age of 4” has been good for an annual income into six figures a year…helping me to be the capitalist pig that I am.

So…the question I’m now facing is, do I take my life with a gun, a drug overdose, slitting my wrist…or reading more of your web site…

Considering how boorish the worlds of Internet dialogues and politics are, this was a downright civilized response in comparison. A tit-for-tat jab, a little sarcasm, no swearing and no ad hominem attacks.

And he had the good taste to acknowledge that this blog is a masterpiece. I’ll borrow a quote from Rush Limbaugh and say that thanks, but really, my talent’s on loan from God.

I wrote back:

Hey, I don’t like Garfield either, and Jim Davis is doing just fine. Looks like we’ll just have to agree to disagree.

May I reproduce your e-mail, as-is — I promise I will not alter a single word — in my weblog?

And he graciously replied in the affirmative, adding more evidence to my half-joking summary of the political spectrum: the Left are people with whom you agree but can’t stand, while the Right are people with whom you disagree, but would gladly invite to parties.

C’mon, Colin, you’ve got a gold mine of a target — the Left have such a gift for self-parody that your material could almost write itself! Hey, here’s some real-life ammo for you: the “Reclaim the Streets” rally (see the September 5th entry) recently held here in Toronto, or how ’bout this one about my housemate’s diet-as-religion ditching of dairy products (which isn’t terribly consistent — he had some cheesecake with me before he realized that it was dairy. Earth to Paul: cheesecake is made from cheese, and guess what cheese is made of!)? In Sacrelicious, I could’ve simply had a couple of Bible literalists go “hyuk hyuk hyuk, mah momma’s not a monkey!”, but instead I took the premise of trying to explain the universe to people from 1280 BC. Satire isn’t a blunt club swung wildly in the dark, it’s a carefully-aimed arrow with a finely honed point. Brush up on your right-wing funny and check out P.J. O’Rourke or the National Review’s Jonah Goldberg. I don’t agree with everything they write, but they’re always entertaining and make me think. This is all just a little friendly advice — take it or leave it, whatever pleases you. If you’re makin’ a buck doing what you love and pleasing your readers, more power to you.

As for my readers, what do you think? The Leftersons’ archives are here for your perusal.