Return of the funny emails

The spam filter in Mail, the standard Macintosh email application missed these two messages, but in this case I’m glad, as they’re quite good reading…

Future porn star seeks accordion player’s help

From: “Robert” [email address deleted]

Date: Sat Aug 2, 2003 7:27:48 PM Canada/Eastern

Subject: I am looking to audition for gay male adult films …

Hello,

My name is Robert, and I go by the film name Daddy Big Bucks. I am an amateur gay male adult porno actor, and I seek to audition for gay adult films.

Can you assist me, or barring that, can you send me to someone who can help me?

Return of the time traveller

Another sci-fi goodie from the time travelling spammer I mentioned last week. As i write this, there are just over 2 hours and 30 minutes to assist this hapless chrononaut!

From: [email address deleted]

Date: Mon Aug 4, 2003 8:27:47 AM Canada/Eastern

Subject: Dimensional Warp Generator Needed fsr umf

Hello,

I’m a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit, and they fled on me. I am going to need a new DWG unit, prefereably the rechargeable AMD wrist watch model with the GRC79 induction motor, four I80200 warp stabilizers, 512GB of SRAM and the menu driven GUI with front panel XID display.

I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms.

In terms of payment:

I dont have any Galactic Credits left. Payment can be made in platinum gold or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit.

Please transport unit in either a brown paper bag or box to below coordinates on Monday August 4th at (exactly 3:00pm) Eastern Standard Time on the dot. A few minutes prior will be ok, but it cannot be after. If you miss this timeframe please email me.

Latitude N 42.47935 & Longitude W 071.17355 and the Elevation is 119.

WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TRANSPORT ITEM BY REGULAR MEANS OF TELEPORTATION. THEY ARE MONITORING AND WILL REDIRECT THE SIGNAL!!

I DO NOT CARE HOW YOU HAVE TO GET IT HERE, JUST DO IT IN A WAY THAT NO SPYING EYES WILL POSSIBLY BE ABLE TO REDIRECT THE TRANSFERENCE. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE ABLE TO MONITOR THE TRANSFER.

Although those coordinates are a secure guarded area, these channels through email are never secure. Unfortunately it is the only form of communication I have right now.

After unit has been sent please email me at: info@federalfundingprogram.com

with payment instructions. Do not reply directly back to this email.