Categories
In the News

The Bulge Under George Bush’s Suit…

…is most likely a natural phenomenon in clothing. Take a look at

these photos of random people in Manhattan. They have the bukge too.

Click the picture to see the photo at full size:

Photo: Collection of photos of random people in Manhattan with George Bush-like bulges.

Third from the left, top row: the dreaded Volvo ass!

The Hill has a story featuring the president’s tailor showing how suit naturally get a bulge when its wearer crosses his arms and leans forward:

Photo: The President's tailor, one George de Paris, showing the natural occurence of the bulge.

Okay, buddy. Now explain your hair.

Finally, there’s the matter of receiving devices. If Bush were wired and getting cues from Karl Rove or some other coach:

  • He wouldn’t have been so damned inarticulate.
  • He’d

    have used a smaller device. We’re in the age of teeny cellphones; “spy

    tech” stores in major cities sell much tinier walkie-talkies.

Of course, without this flap, we wouldn’t have gotten fun “remixes” like this one:

Photo: Parody iPod ad, 'idebate', featuring a silouhette of Dubya at the debates with an iPod on his back.

Categories
Accordion, Instrument of the Gods

Electro-Accordions Galore

Warpjam mentioned to me that Gizmodo pointed to the Topaz-1, an old Soviet electronic accordion, pictured below. I love the styling, which is reminiscent of the original Star Trek series’ design aesthetic:

Photo: Topaz-1, an old Soviet electronic accordion.

Here in North America, electronic accordions have been marketed by

Iorio (sometimes under the name Elkavox). Here’s a top-of-the-line

model (taken from this selection), currently selling new for about US$6000. Note the touch-pad button control panel!

Photo: Top-of-the line Iorio Accorgan

There are also MIDI (Musical Instrument Digital Interface) accordions,

which can be used to control one or more synthesizers, samplers and

even drum machines Here’s the ultra-fancy Excelsior MIDI accordion:

Photo: Excelsior MIDI accordion.

And let’s not forget the premier make of accordion, Hohner, who haven’t forgotten that we’re living the 21st century now.

Categories
Uncategorized

"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind": The First Draft

[via Feeling Listless] Being Charlie Kaufman is a blog that is about Charlie Kaufman by not written by him. It’s also the home of  the first draft of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,

in which the story starts 50 years in the future. Here’s the first bit,

which if you’ve seen the movie is drastically different…


     INT. PUBLISHING HOUSE RECEPTION AREA - DAY

It's grand and modern. Random House-Knopf-Taschen is etched
on the wall in large gold letters. An old woman enters
carrying a tattered manuscript, maybe a thousand pages. She
seems haunted, hollow-eyed, sickly. The young receptionist,
dressed in a shiny, stretchy one-piece pantsuit, looks up.

RECEPTIONIST
Oh, hi.

OLD WOMAN
(apologetically)
Hi, I was in the neighborhood and thought
I'd see --

RECEPTIONIST
I think he's in a conference.
Unfortunately. I'm really sorry.

OLD WOMAN
Would you just try him? You never know.
As long as I'm here. You never know.

RECEPTIONIST
Of course. Please have a seat.

The old woman smiles and sits, the bulky manuscript on her
lap. She stares politely straight ahead.

RECEPTIONIST (CONT'D)
(quietly into headset)
It's her -- I know, but couldn't you just
-- Yes, I know, but -- I know, but she's
old and it would be a nice -- Yes, sorry.
(to old woman)
I'm sorry, ma'am, he's not in right now.
It's a crazy time of year for us.

The receptionist gestures toward a Christmas tree in the
corner. Its ornaments are holograms.

OLD WOMAN
This book -- It's essential that people
read it because --
(gravely, patting the
manuscript)
-- It's the truth. And only I know it.

RECEPTIONIST
(nodding sympathetically)
Maybe after the holidays then.

INT. TILED HALLWAY - DAY
The old woman carries her manuscript haltingly down a subway
hall. She stops to catch her breath, then continues and
passes several archway with letters printed above them. When
she arrives at one topped by an LL, she slips a card in a
slot. A plastic molded chair drops into the archway. She
sits in the chair; it rises.

INT. TUBE -DAY
The woman is still in the chair as it slips gracefully into a
line of chairs shooting through a glass tube. The other
chairs are peopled with commuters. We stay with the woman as
she and the others travel over New York City in the tube.
There are hundreds of these commuter tubes crisscrossing the
skyline. The woman glances at the manuscript in her lap.
It's called:

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

This serves as the movie's opening title. The other credits
follow, as the old woman studies commuters in passing tubes.
Their faces are variously harsh and sad and lonely and blank.

INT. WAITING ROOM - DAY

SUBTITLED: FIFTY YEARS EARLIER

Every doctor's office waiting room: chairs against the wall,
magazines on end tables, a sad-looking potted plant, generic
seascape paintings on the walls. The receptionist, Mary, 25,
can be seen typing in the reception area. Behind her are
shelves and shelves of medical files. The door opens and
Clementine enters. She's in her early thirties, zaftig in a
faux fur winter coat over an orange hooded sweatshirt. She's
decidedly funky and has blue hair. Mary looks up.

MARY
May I help you?

CLEMENTINE
(approaching reception area)
Yeah, hi, I have a one o'clock with Dr.
Mierzwiak. Clementine Kruczynski.

MARY
Yes, please have a seat. He'll be right
with you.
Categories
Uncategorized

The Astonishing X-Men

I haven’t been by Accordion City’s best-known comic book store, The Silver Snail, in months (despite living a couple of blocks away), so I’ve been unaware of the Marvel effort called “X-Men Reload“. They’re working on revitalizing the X-Men titles, and the most buzzworthy one is Astonishing X-Men, for which they hired Joss Whedon, the creative mind behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel and Firefly.

With Whedon, you get the best of both worlds: a guy who understands the

long and complicated history of Marvel’s mighty mutants and a guy who

can tell a story and write dialogue, especially bitchy dialogue. He

uses this to great effect with Kitty Pryde’s and Emma Frost’s clashes (When did the White Queen join the X-Men? When did she get involved with Scott Summers? They’re running Xavier’s now? When did Jean Grey die? What the hell is going on?).

You can read Astonishing X-Men #1 online at Marvel’s DotComics site (you’ll need Flash installed).

Screen capture: A panel from the online version of 'Astonishing X-Men #1'.

Wolverine: “Time to make nice with the public, eh, Summers?”

Scott: We have to do more than that, Logan. We have to astonish them.

Categories
Accordion, Instrument of the Gods It Happened to Me

The Birthday/Engagement Party: The Announcement!

It’s almost that time. The legendary Joey deVilla birthday party

returns, now enriched with an extra reason to celebrate: my engagement!

Here’s the basic info:

  • The Date: Saturday, November 6th, 2004
  • The Place: Big Trouble in Little China (a.k.a. my house)
  • The Time: 8:39 p.m. (derived from “When does it start?” “Oh, eight-thirty, nine…”)
  • How Old I’m Turning: Thirty-seven, and proud of it!
  • What They’re Like: Check out my 35th birthday party (2002) [album format | slideshow format ] and 36th birthday party in the hot tub (2003) [album format | slideshow format ]

A number of people of asked me, so I’ll state it here: as much as

I would love to have Neil’s wonderful hot tub on a truck back, if my

neighbours from across the street even see

that truck coming down the street, they’re going to call the cops on

me. Besides, seeing Eldon in a Speedo should be a once-in-lifetime

event for anyone. (There is a story about what happened when the cops

showed up last year, and I will tell it soon.)

At the 2001, 2002 and 2003 parties, I have been accosted by one of my lovely female guests (here’s the 2003 story). Since this is also an engagement party and since my lovely fiancee

will be there, this streak is likely to be broken. It was fun while it

lasted, but as an older, wiser gentleman (stop snickering, you!) it’s

time to move on.

Want more details about the party? Contact me.

Categories
In the News

My United States of Whatever

I concur with these lines atrributed to Einstein: “Science without

religion is lame; religion without science is blind”. I also think that

if you were to replace “science” with “reason” and “religion” with

“faith”, the aphorism would still be applicable. With that in mind,

consider this excerpt from the New York Times Sunday Magazine’s article, Without a Doubt:

In the summer of 2002, after I had written an article in Esquire that

the White House didn’t like about Bush’s former communications

director, Karen Hughes, I had a meeting with a senior adviser to Bush.

He expressed the White House’s displeasure, and then he told me

something that at the time I didn’t fully comprehend — but which I now

believe gets to the very heart of the Bush presidency.

The aide said that guys like me were ”in what we call the

reality-based community,” which he defined as people who ”believe

that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible

reality.” I nodded and murmured something about enlightenment

principles and empiricism. He cut me off. ”That’s not the way the

world really works anymore,” he continued. ”We’re an empire now, and

when we act, we create our own reality. And while you’re studying that

reality — judiciously, as you will — we’ll act again, creating other

new realities, which you can study too, and that’s how things will sort

out. We’re history’s actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to

just study what we do.”

The arrogance (“We’re history’s actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to

just study what we do.” — smacks of Denzel’s “King Kong ain’t got nuthin’ on me!” from Training Day, doesn’t it?) and the sheer insanity (“Reality-based

community?”) sounds more like satirical dialogue written by a

first-year Political Science student trying to be funny in the school

paper than something a grown mental-problem-free adult would say.

If you’ve read 1984,

the “we create reality” line will  sound familiar. In a scene

which takes place after it is revelead that O’Brien is actually working

for the Party, not agaist it, O’Brien brags about how reality is

whatever the party declares it is.

Let me state for the record that I am a proud member of the reality-based community. Maybe a web button is called for…

Button: Proud member of the Reality-Based community.


From the American Spectator:

Whine whine whine Jon Stewart whine whine whine.

Whine whine whine Atkins Diet whine whine whine.


The Guardian turns into Slashdot for politics! Uhm, guys, it’s called “trolling”. Or, prior to the internet, “baiting”.


And finally, for your listening pleasure, the George W. Bush version of Liam Lynch’s United States of Whatever [1.3 MB MP3]

Photo: George W. Bush.
“Whatever!”

Categories
Accordion, Instrument of the Gods It Happened to Me

Accordion-o-Rama

The Accorgan

Ladies and gentlemen, meet accordion number four, an Iorio “accorgan” (which I assume is a combination of “accordion” and “organ”):

Photo: The Iorio 'Accorgan' that Wendy got me.

I’ve heard of these things before — they’re acoustic accordions with

some electronic components and switches that suggest that they’re like

electronic organs. According to Wendy, the accordion has a number of

electric switches and volume dials not unlike old-school electronic

organs; I suspect that it could be plugged into an amplifier for REAL

ULTIMATE POWER.


This lucky find never would’ve happened without Wendy. She was riding home on the bus when she overheard a woman talking to the bus driver.

“Who can I give my father’s accordion to?” the woman asked.

Wendy, who says that her ears perk up whenever she hears the word “accordion” (aww…) approached the woman and said “My fiance plays the accordion! You could give it to him!”

And so an arrangement was made. Last Saturday, they met at Dunkin’

Donuts, where the woman gave Wendy the accordion, which was wrapped up

in duct tape and garbage bags.

“It must’ve looked like a drug deal,” Wendy said.

She brought it back, played a couple of notes for me over the phone so

I could hear it (it might need a little tuning) and took the picture

above. She says it “smells like a bar”, to which I said “Good! That

means it has stories.”

And now the Iorio sits in her living room, waiting for my next visit.

She says it’s strange having an accordion in her house, but no guy. Soon, sweetie, soon!

My fiancee is nothing short of amazing.


Law-siana!

Liz “I Speak of Dreams” Ditz sent me this news about yet another convert to the accordion:

Photo: No-Butt Bob & Murphy's Law-isiana

Bob & Murphy’s Law-isiana: 

Murphy’s Law string band has “transmoogafied”  into a traditional

Cajun band. Caity’s been pulling out the squeezebox and making noise at

folkfests and dances  around the state of Florida including the

recent Cajun Cafe On The Bayou’s Fais Do-Do Fest ’99 held in Pinellas

Park FL in early October.

Thanks for the heads-up, Liz!


Wendy Plays Accordion

Quirky singer-songwriter Wendy McNeill

is also a convert to the accordion. For her third album, Such a Common Bird, she’s taken up

the accordion as both songwriting and performance instrument. Bravo!

Photo: Album cover for Wendy McNeill's 'Such a Common Bird'.

She’s put a couple of tracks online, both of which are quite good: 


Soon to be a Respectable Instrument

And finally, here’s the last paragraph of an article from the September edition of Air Canada’s in-flight magazine, EnRoute.

The article is about the ukelele (an equally-maligned instrument,

championed by BoingBoing’s Mark Frauenfelder), but the paragraph could

easily be applied to the accordion:

As more of the world hears Jake Shimabukuro,

it will become impossible to continue to associate the ukelele with

novelty acts. And Hawaii itself will no longer  be considered to

be one big Elvis movie, augmented by happy dancing natives, wacky

cocktails and tacky tiki. This sort of thing has happened before. At

the beginning of the 20th century, for instance, a certain instrument

was associated only with vaudeville comics and horn-honking clowns. All

it took was a single virtuoso to reform that instrument’s reputation.

That man was Coleman Hawkins, and the instrument was the tenor saxophone.