November 2004 - Page 8 of 9 - The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century

Magazine (a Canadian socio-politico-complexo-migraino mag with a humourous bent) and geekend.ca have created a satrical site called Marry An American:

Ladies and gentlemen, drop your borders

When the provisional Ohio votes are counted and if George W.

Bush is re-elected, single, sexy, American liberals – already

a threatened species – will be desperate to escape.

These lonely, afraid (did we mention really hot?) progressives will need

a safe haven.

You can help. Open your heart, and your home. Marry an American.

Legions of Canadians have already pledged to sacrifice their

singlehood to save our southern neighbours from four more years

of cowboy conservatism.

Be sure to read the personal profiles. They’re amusing:

Name: I*heart*trees1985

Age: 21

Gender: Female

Occupation: Full-time liberal arts major / part-time tree

hugger

Location: Beautiful British Columbia

Hot for: Mountain Equipment Co-op, vegan potlucks, mother earth

(gaia), feminist collectives, dreadlocks.

Political orientation: Card carrying member of the GREEN PARTY! Yay! Not

literally… I lost it at a phish concert.

What I’m looking for: Someone to save the trees with me. A boy named Chad, Conner,

or Mackenzie.

Why get to know me: I do a wicked Joni Mitchell impersonation and don’t shave my

legs.

Name: hot4classwar

Age: 26

Gender: Male

Occupation: Grad Student

Location: Montreal

Hot for: Karl Marx, Wade Davis, poutine

Political orientation: autonomous anarchist

What I’m looking for: A hot American brother to join in the struggle against imperialism and corporate globalization.

Why get to know me: Together,

we will work together to prepare the seeds of the revolution that will

reclaim your poor nation, seizing the means of production from the

corporate elite.

Like I said, I’ve already got that covered.

The Real Party That Matters…

Funniest Election Coverage Moment

Blogosphere Election Roundup

There are, quite literally, millions of blogs out there, but here are

my favourite writeups on the US election that I’ve seen. Feel free to

point out more in the comments!

Andrew Sullivan and I are in agreement (except, of course, that I dig chicks):

IT’S OVER: President

Bush is narrowly re-elected. It was a wild day with the biggest black

eyes for exit pollsters. I wanted Kerry to win. I believed he’d be more

able to unite the country at home, more fiscally conservative, more

socially inclusive, and better able to rally the world in a more

focused war on terror. I still do. But a slim majority of Americans

disagreed. And I’m a big believer in the deep wisdom of the American

people. They voted in huge numbers, and they made a judgment. Not a

huge and decisive victory by any means. But at least a victory that is

unlikely to be challenged. The president and his aides deserve

congratulations. And so, I think, does Senator Kerry, whose campaign

exceeded the low expectations of many of us.

FOR NOW: But

the most fundamental fact of this campaign – and one of the reasons it

has been so bitter – is that we are at war. Our opponents at home are

not our enemies. The real enemy is the Jihadist terror network that,

even now, is murdering innocents and coalition soldiers in Iraq. Our

job now – all of us – is to support this president in that war, to back

those troops, and to pray for victory. We saw yesterday, in the

cold-blooded murder of a Dutch film-maker for his open criticism of

Islamist misogyny, that the enemy is still at large; and aiming

directly at our freedoms and security. In Fallujah, our troops are

poised for a vital battle against terrorists and theocrats intent on

derailing a free future for Iraq. Democracy is on the line there and

throughout the world. I’ve been more than a little frustrated by the

president’s handling of this war in the past year; but we have to draw

a line under that now. The past is the past. And George W. Bush is our

president. He deserves a fresh start, a chance to prove himself again,

and the constructive criticism of those of us who decided to back his

opponent. He needs our prayers and our support for the enormous tasks

still ahead of him. He has mine. Unequivocally.

The header currently under the title of

my pal Jeff Jarvis’ blog, BuzzMachine, has “The Post Election Peace Pledge”,

which was read alound on CNN last night. It’s worth a thousand times more than any Bush campaign loyalty oath:

I promise to… Support the President, even if I didn’t vote for

him….. Criticize the President, even if I did vote for him…..

Uphold standards of civilized discourse in blogs and in media while

pushing both to be better…. Unite as a nation, putting country over

party, as we work together to make America better.

Paul Wells takes the “youth vote”, the only group whose level of participation did not rise from 2000’s levels, to task:

The majestic Howard Dean

coalition — youth, new voters, the “wired,” the “disenfranchised”

— remains the France of electoral coalition-building: genuinely useful,

if only it would freaking show up for the freaking fight.

Sorry, but I’m a bit bitter about this. Participation soared across

every demographic, including the underestimated People Michael Moore

Likes to Make Fun Of. But the young-new-“disenfranchised” set sat

around and played Halo 2 on the X-box instead of, you know, freaking voting.

These are the same people who couldn’t be arsed to pick up the phones

at Dean headquarters in South Carolina when I was there in January.

(Fun Canadian fact: the Canadian leader who has put all of his hopes —

and I mean all his hopes — on the Howard Dean coalition of non-voting non-voters is Jack Layton. Explains a lot, really.)

Doc Searls, never failing in his role as adult supervision for the blogosphere, writes:

The real

story was, and remains, connected democracy. The tough lesson for those

of us on the Left is learning that those of us on the Right were no

less connected — just a lot less obvious about it.

don’t know what difference conservative Christians made in this

election, but I believe it wasn’t small. Evangelical churches (and not

just Landover Baptist) have done an admirable job of understanding, and

using, the Internet, just as they did deploying almost countless

“translator” transmitters

all over the FM band, all over the country — except in major

metropolitain areas where they might get more noticed. (Hit SCAN on a

car radio in Phoenix

and you’ll hear up to six religious FM signals before you get to 91 on

the dial.) Safe from the media mainstream (including the parts of it

here in the blogosphere), their strength has gone unnoticed. It’s

there, and it matters. A lot.

While we were “taking back” America, they were keeping it safe. From us. Eleven states voted to ban gay marriage. Whoa.

Strict Fatherism beat Nurturant Parentism.

The job for progressives remains the same as it’s been since Reagan reframed political debate in 1980.

Meanwhile, the job for techies is to leverage the best of the Libertarian agenda. That is, if we want to Save the Net.

On Metafilter, in response to a “Fuck Christians” snipe, comes this reply:

>> Fuck christians. Fuck them and their

>> backward minds.

> … And you people wonder why you lost …

Good Lord, is this what we have to look forward to over the next four

years? More demonizing, recriminations, hatred and anger?

To my friends on the Right: you won! Enjoy it, but don’t come around

here twisting the knife and then feigning indignation that people are

pissed off by it.

To my friends on Left: get over the anger and divisiveness. Anyone but

Bush ™ doesn’t work. We tried it for two years, and you know what?

We lost ground. Take a look at the electoral map. Regroup, and come up

with something positive and inclusive. That’s the only way to defend

against being marginalized.

This leads me to what my friend Dan Gillmor wrote today:

People say there are two Americas. I think there are at least three.

One is Bush’s America: an amalgam of the extreme Christian

“conservatives,” corporate interests and the builders of the burgeoning

national-security state.

Another is the Democratic “left”: wedded to the old, discredited politics in a time that demands creative thinking.

I suspect there’s a third America: members of an increasingly

radical middle that will become more obvious in the next few years,

tolerant of those who are different and aware that the big problems of

our times are being ignored — or made worse — by those in power today.

That third America needs a candidate. Or, maybe, a new party.

Let me close with a local blogger — one with whom I often agree to disagree on political issues. Here’s Accordion City’s Kathy “Relapsed Catholic” Shaidle, who graciously writes:

I didn’t take Jeff Jarvis’ pledge (which was recited on CNN last night!) but can offer this crappy prayer type thing:

Please

pray for George Bush, even if you didn’t vote for him. Especially if

you did. Don’t try to think of something clever to say, like, “Give him

wisdom” if you can’t think of the “right” words. Just pray, “God bless

George Bush”. God knows what we want and need better than we do.

Although I’d throw in a “keep him safe” because, well, because. That eventuality really worries me, now more than ever.

Please

do the same for John Kerry, even if you voted for him. Especially if

you didn’t. We are commanded to pray for our “enemies”, our opponents.

This does both them and us good. Try it if you don’t believe me. I know

it’s hard, but just squeeze out the first “God bless John Kerry” and

you’ll be surprised how easily the rest come out. If you can’t bring

yourself to pray for John Kerry (or George Bush), pray for the

willingness to pray for them, some day. Again: this works amazing

wonders.

Catholics don’t need to be told: take up your rosaries.

This isn’t something I can explain to non-Catholics. But those of you

who know, know.

Don’t pray for victory. Just pray. God’s will will be done regardless. Pray to accept whatever happens.

Movies from Mysterion the Mind Reader’s Haunted Hotel Halloween Hoopla, Part 2

…and speaking of snooty private clubs…