Home Sweet Meth Lab

Now that I’ve got house-hunting on the brain, oddities that would have

otherwise escaped my notice now present themselves to me. Case in

point: consider the little Seattle “fixer-upper” pictured below,

asking price almost US$250K (CAD$304,194 at today’s exchange rate):

If this place is going for $250K, I live in Trump Tower.

The listing starts off on a none-too-promising note:

Designated Landmark property subj. to Landmark Brd Controls/Regs. Also, Former Meth Lab

site w/ Cert. clean-up done. Unique roof design makes this a property

that MUST be preserved. Needs Ttl Rehab/Restoratn from foundation up –

perfect philanthropist developer proj. Much effort could bring this

house, sited on qtr acre & flanked by six new homes, back to its

orig. charm and luster. Shown by Appt. Only. No functioning systems or

heat src. Bsmt has laundry room and bal. Unfind. Closg subj to Short

Plat.

I like how they broach the “Meth Lab” topic, starting with

“Also”, the way one makes a casual aside. I also love the line “perfect

philanthropist developer proj.” which must be real estate-speak for “a

total dump”. The only better way it could be spun would be to say “Hey

— if you’re looking for a place to shoot the sequel for Requiem for a Dream, this is it!”

I can just imagine the plight of whoever buys this house. Imagine how

many visits from out-of-town bikers they’ll have: “Hey bro, before we

go to the Seattle Hells Angels convention, let’s pass by Smitty’s place

— I tweaked pretty good on this really choice crank he sold me five

years ago!”

Click here to see a screen capture of the online listing for the house.