The Best Way to Attract the Ladies in This Fair City…

…is to get a nickname that ends with “Guy”.

Being the Accordion Guy has worked for me, and having a “Guy” moniker has worked for others, as this Toronto Craigslist posting shows:

Dear Portuguese Chicken Guy,

I hear that you are a Jehovah’s Witness and that you attend Kingdom Hall once a week. While I don’t understand your “religion” I have to admit that I do enjoy seeing you dressed up in a suit on a weekly basis when I walk by your “church” bound for the YMCA. Your dedication to that organization must be your only flaw, because other than that you are, in a word, perfection.

The evidence of my burning passion is abundant. Sitting on the College streetcar with my hand pressed up against the glass, I gaze into your shop as I sail by silently with 40 others. I linger outside your window a little when I am on my way to some College St. attraction. I know you like to flirt and when I say that I like the sauce on the chicken to be like me, hot and sweet, I am sure you know that’s a hint. If all that evidence isn’t enough, surely you have noticed the flame in my eyes when I watch you slather breasts and thighs in the sauce of my choosing.

Joey deVilla

View Comments

  • Hmmm, where is the portuguese chicken guy. That post is making me hungry... forget the flirting.

  • He's busy at the sports bar with Bastard Guy and Arrogant Guy. If he's hard-up he'll call.

    Ford Guy is giving you the eye but his buddies Nice Guy and Good Guy warn him he's hitting on the wrong lass.

  • Nice Guy and Good Guy might be wrong about that. My first love was Dodge Dart Guy, and I had a thing for a guy who was Beatup Shitbox Mazda Guy. I've even been in love with No Car Guy.

    A girl can dream, though, can't she? :)

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