Last weekend, at my nephew’s bowling birthday party, I decided to put a quarter in the sticker vending machine. You never know what sticker you’re going to get — here’s a photo of the one I got:
Photo by your ‘umble chronicler.
The machine just knows.
An artist going by the name of “Dyna Moe” has created some lovely art inspired by the hit TV series Mad Men. I love the show, and I also love Dyna Moe’s Eisenhower-era-style art (especially the “Betty Draper smashing the dining room chair” piece, which is also an homage to the album cover of the Clash’s London Calling).
For those of you who are too young to have sat through My Fair Lady (or lucky enough to have escaped it; it is to George Bernard Shaw’s excellent Pygmalion as Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers are to rock and roll), here’s what the title of this post alludes to:
The title of this post also refers to McCain’s recent gaffe. In an interview (click here to hear it) by a Spanish reporter for a Spanish newspaper conducted in English, the reporter asked:
“Senator, finally, let’s talk about Spain. If you’re elected president, would you invite President Zapatero to meet with you in the White House?”
His answer, which they’ll be making fun of on the late night comedy shows tonight, was:
“Honestly, I have to analyze our relationships, situations, and priorities, but I can assure you that I will establish closer relationships with our friends, and I will stand up to those who want to harm the United States.”
…and then makes some references to Latin America. As a quick reminder…
The interviewer asks again if he’d be willing to meet with Zapatero, and he replies that he’ll have to review the current situation; he’ll only meet with leaders who pay heed to human rights and democracy.
(Once again, if you want to hear the interview, click here.)
Perhaps he was confused and mistook “Zapatero” for “Zapatista” (either the historic army or the modern one). Or maybe he was wondering why the reporter was asking him about shoes. But she clearly framed the question by opening with “Let’s talk about Spain,” so this wasn’t an attempt to trick him with a world leaders trivia question.
The Republican PR team has their work cut out for them today.
I’ll admit it: if you’d asked me to name the Prime Minister of Spain yesterday, I wouldn’t know the answer. I would know by inferring from her line “Let’s talk about Spain,” however. I did know that Juan Carlos I (the “I” is pronounced “primero“) is the king, but everyone remembers royalty. It’s their job to be remembered!
So I thought I’d perform a little public service and list some countries, their leaders’ names and easy ways to remember them. Let McCain’s mistake be your springboard to learning about world affairs!
| Country | Leader | Easy way to remember the leader |
|---|---|---|
| Canada | Prime Minister Stephen Harper | The current crop of commercials is trying to change his “somewhat dickish guy in a suit and tie” image. Now he’s a “somewhat dickish guy in a sweater”. (Cue retort by a miffed David Janes in 3…2…1…) |
| France | President Nicolas Sarkozy | Has a hot wife, Carla Bruni. |
| Germany | Chancellor Angela Merkel | Remember that weird and awkward shoulder massage Bush gave her? |
| Italy | Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi | Not only is he Italy’s leader, he’s also Italy’s richest man: imagine Warren Buffett or Bill Gates as the president of the U.S.. It has been said that Italian comedians who’ve told jokes about him on TV have never had a TV appearance again. |
| Japan | Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda | No need to; he was rather unremarkable and resigned on September 1st. He’s only staying in office until a successor is elected. |
| Russia | President Dmitry Medvedev | Tricky, because nobody remembers the hand-picked successor; everybody remembers the predecessor (in this case, “Pooty-Poot”). Think of him as the guy whose last name is hard to spell because you don’t know when to stop. |
| United Kingdom | Prime Minister Gordon Brown | Tricky, because nobody remembers the hand-picked successor; everybody remembers the predecessor (in this case, Tony Blair). Maybe you should use potty-mouthed British celebrity chef Gordon “Hell’s Kitchen / Kitchen Nightmare” Ramsay as a mnemonic device. |
These are the “+5” countries referred to in the “G8+5” gatherings.
| Country | Leader | Easy way to remember the leader |
|---|---|---|
| Brazil | President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva | In Brazil, they just call him “Lula”. |
| China | President Hu Jintao | A lot of painful “Hu’s on first?” jokes |
| India | President Pratibha Patil | She talks to ghosts. No, really. |
| Mexico | President Felipe Calderón | Like in the U.S. 2000 elections, his election in 2006 was incredibly close and controversial. |
| South Africa | President Thabo Mbeki | You might not have to remember him: the ANC is considering ousting him. |
| Country | Leader | Easy way to remember the leader |
|---|---|---|
| Afghanistan | President Hamid Karzai | Quote: “If I am called a puppet because we are grateful to America, then let that be my nickname.” “Puppet” it is! |
| Czech Republic | President Václav Klaus | Most Christmas-y leader out there. There’s his last name, “Klaus”, “Vaclav” is often translated into English as “Wenceslas” and he even sort of looks like Santa. |
| Greece | President Karolos Papoulias | First name translates to English as “Chuck”. Pretty good-lookin’ foreign affairs record. |
| Iran | President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad | Said there are no gays in Iran. Holds no ill will towards the Jews in the same way Republicans hold no ill will towards minorites. Signature “grey jacket, white shirt, no tie” look. |
| Iraq | President Jalal Talabani | That name’s too close to “Taliban”. Good thing they got invaded! |
| North Korea, a.k.a. Democratic People’s Republic of Korea | Chairman Kim Jong-Il, although his deceased dad is technically Eternal President of the Republic. Now that’s job security! | He’s so ronery. |
| Poland | President Lech Kaczyński | Same last name as the Unabomber! |
| South Korea, a.k.a. Republic of Korea | President Lee Myung-bak | Like Sarah Palin, he was a mayor and has a nickname (his is “Bulldozer”). Unlike Sarah Palin, he was mayor of a real city. |
| Spain | President José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero | Oh, you’re gonna remember his name from now on, trust me. |
| South Africa | President Thabo Mbeki | You might not have to remember him: the ANC is considering ousting him. |
| Venezuela | President Hugo Chavez (remember, it’s pronounced “OO-go”) | Depending on whom you ask, he’s either a cartoonish leftist dictator or great progressive leader. He’s Fidel castro’s BFF. Claimed to smell brimstone at the U.N. when taking the podium after Bush. King Juan Carlos I of Spain had to tell him to shut up earlier this year. |
There are many uses for the accordion, but the worst I’ve seen is as a writer’s crutch in this painfully-written piece on John McCain by Glen Johnson for the Associated Press:
John McCain embraces and expels Washington like an accordion player belting out a song.
Squeeze in and he touts his vast knowledge of the capital city. Draw out and he casts himself a reformer bent on changing its ways.
The accordion metaphor gets tortured for the rest of the article.
Sirius Radio has set up a “limited engagement” radio station that will play nothing but AC/DC 24 hours a day (here’s where I pause to “throw the horns”). Its limited engagement started last night and will run up until January 15, 2009. It’s on Sirius channel 29.
Daily Show writer Rob Kutner sent me a link to this video, John Oliver’s Literature Rodeo, Apocalypse Edition, in which John “The British Guy from the Daily Show” Oliver provides some reading suggestions for the upcoming apocalypse (one of which is Rob’s own book, Apocalypse How). Who knows, the fall of civilization may be only a couple of bank collapses away. Sure it may be the End Times, but why can’t they also be Good Times?
After all, getting money from the government is his stock in trade.
(If you don’t recognize Matthew Lesko, you don’t stay up late. His oddball late night infomericals are the stuff of legend and second only to the works of the great Tom Vu. I’ve included some of his ads below…)
Photo courtesy of LOLFed.com.
Click the photo to see it on its original page.
Looks like I wasn’t the only one to make the bailout-Lesko connection.
