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What I Wore to the Company Picnic

Like a boss

One week ago today, Shopify had its company picnic. We were divided into volleyball teams, each of which had to come up with not just a name, but a theme and costume. My team were “The Hefs”, in tribute to Hugh Hefner. Hence the outfit and pipe. Since I added the cowboy hat and shades and my bathrobe was terry as opposed to silk, I think my “look” came off more like a cross between Dr. Hunter S. Thompson and Dr. “Trapper John” McIntyre from M*A*S*H than everyone’s favourite gentlemen’s magazine publisher.

Still: can I rock a pipe or can I rock a pipe?

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Ecommerce is Only Getting Started

This is normally the sort of article that I’d post in the Shopify Technology Blog or Global Nerdy, but I thought it was layperson-friendly enough and worth mentioning here on Accordion Guy.

Shuttle launch

If you’ve ever kicked yourself for not “getting in on the ground floor” of a great business opportunity, here’s your chance to make it up. Ecommerce, which we’re in the business of helping you with, represented almost 48 billion dollars of retail sales in the United States…for the second quarter of 2011 alone. And that’s not even the holiday quarter, when Black Friday happens! Even more impressive is that ecommerce is just getting started, as it represents less than 5% of all retail sales in America and it’s trending upward.

Ecommerce chart 2q11

These figures come from a pretty reliable source: the U.S. Census bureau. Go ahead, read their PDF report, or if you prefer, here’s my quick summary:

  • Total retail sales in the U.S. for second quarter of 2011: $1.04 trillion
  • Increase in retail sales over first quarter of 2011: 1.2% (+/- 0.5%)
  • Ecommerce sales in the U.S. for second quarter of 2011: $47.5 billion
  • Ecommerce sales in the U.S. for second quarter of 2010: $40.4 billion
  • Increase in ecommerce sales from 2Q 2010 to 2Q 2011: 17.6% (+/- 2.5%)
  • Increase in total retail sales from 2Q 2010 to 2Q 2011: 8.1% (+/- 0.2%)
  • Fraction of total retail sales that is made by ecommerce: 4.6%

The growth in ecommerce sales was double that of total retail sales over the past year, and it’s still a small, but growing piece of the retail pie. If you’ve been waiting for that “get in on the ground floor” opportunity, it’s ecommerce, and it’s happening now.

(And hey, I know a guy who can help get you started with this crazy ecommerce thing.)

This article also appears in the Shopify Technology Blog.

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Lost Moments #4: That Epic Meal Time Episode – The Missing Bits

Here’s another Lost Moment – a blog entry that I meant to finish a post a while back. Enjoy!

If you haven’t yet seen the Epic Meal Time episode that was shot at Shopify (which features a cameo appearance by an accordion player whom you might recognize), go check it out:

It was shot on the Saturday of the Canada Day weekend inside our offices, on our rooftop and in the ByWard Market neighbourhood where we’re located. I wrote about it in this earlier blog entry.

Now that the episode is out in the wild, I can post some more pictures. They didn’t want me to give away the topic of the episode before it went online and asked me not to post any photos of the food they were preparing, with the notable exception of bacon since every Epic Meal Time meal features that wonderful, wonderful meat.

The Epic Meal Bros spent the early part of the afternoon getting their hands on as many different kinds of bird as they could. Rock cornish hens are fairly easy to come by; guinea fowl are a little harder to find. I was impressed that they brought back some quail, which they candied, and it was delicious:

Guinea hen and rock cornish hen

It’s not an Epic Meal Time episode unless something — well, actually a lot of things — end up wrapped in bacon:

Filming bacon wrapped chicken wings

Sometimes they use “meat glue” to hold things together. Other times, they fall back on the tried-and-true toothpick:

Bacon wrapped wings

If you were to listen in to one of their shoots but not actually see what was happening, you might not be able to tell if it was Epic Meal Time or Hustler: “Bro, I need a close-up of those legs. Glistening! I need them glistening! Sauce that shit up, bro!”

Grill 1

Whatever wasn’t sauced up and grilled ended up breaded and deep-fried…

Breading

…and deep-frying and breading ain’t just for wings anymore:

Breading 2

It takes the better part of a day to produce what ends up as five minutes worth of bro-tastic, meat-laden, swear-a-riffic cooking video. The cooking phase can go on for hours. I took this shot in the afternoon:

Grill 2

…as well as this shot, much later that evening. The grilling went on into the night.

Grill 5

Tyler’s Chicken Wing Necklace

One of the Epic Meal Bros, possibly Tyler himself, came up with the idea of wearing some chicken wing fashion. He sat down in our kitchen and started saucing and stringing the wings into a necklace while the crew photographed and videoed the process:

Wing necklace 1

Harley decided to do a little art directing:

Wing necklace 2

Tyler’s wasn’t convinced that the necklace worked for him, but we all gave him the thumbs-up:

Wing necklace 3

Just a little more styling…

Wing necklace 4

Wing necklace 5

Wing necklace 6

…and it was time to hit the streets! The plan was to fetch more liquor for the shoot (it’s true, there’s actual drinking going on during an Epic Meal Time shoot) and perhaps some footage of women taking bites from the wing necklace.

Wing necklace 7

Baco noir. It’s sorta spelled like bacon. It should pair well, amirite?”

Wing necklace 8

The liquor store has an office with one of those two-way mirrors and Tyler passed right by it, catching his first look at himself with the chicken necklace. “So that’s what I look like!” he exclaimed. “It feels like there’s a gallon of sauce on my neck, but there’s really only a little bit.”

Wing necklace 9

The Epic Meal Bros are famous. While at the liquor store, we were stopped half a dozen times by people who recognized them. These people were invariably in their late teens or twenties, had “bro”-ish dispositions and many looked as if they shopped exclusively at at A&F or Hollister and had collar erections that lasted for more than four hours. There was a high baseball cap factor, many worn backwards. You know the type.

Wing necklace 10

Harley and Tyler are quite used to this sort of recognition now and greeted each fan warmly, happily posing with them for photos.

Wing necklace 11

“Awrite, lay-deez! Who wants some necklace?”

Wing necklace 12

Our first takers!

Wing necklace 13

They got a little too enthusiastic. There was a little shoving match:

Wing necklace 14

Luckily for us, violence and hatred cannot prevail when there are tasty chicken wings to be had. It’s like the “McDonald’s Peace Dividend”: countries that have the Golden Arches don’t go to war against each other. The ladies quickly put aside their differences and concentrated on what mattered – getting free chicken wings.

Wing necklace 15

A little farther down the street, we found some more takers:

Wing necklace 16

“Muscles Glasses” is thinking a replacing his Drakkar Noir with chicken wing sauce.

Wing necklace 17

Single gents: next time you go out on the town, try wearing a chicken wing necklace!

Wing necklace 18

After all the cooking and street shots came the final scene: the closer, where the Epic Meal Bros eat their creation. They shot this scene in our boardroom:

Final shot 1

That’s our summer intern, Anna, helping move food from the prep sites to the table. I’ll bet she wasn’t expecting to be part of an Epic Meal Time shoot when she signed up for the job!

Final shot 2

Little-known fact: those plastic cases that you can put on digital cameras so you can do underwater photography are also barbecue sauce-proof. They shot a scene that was supposed to be from the point of view of a chicken wing getting dunked:

Final shot 3

“Are we good to go?”

Final shot 4

And with jack and coke in hand, Harley starts the final scene and closes with “Next time, we’re eatin’ glass!”

Final shot 5

Once the final shot was in the can, we got to eat the remaining food. There were about a dozen of us, and there was enough for all. My favourites were the candied quail and the cheese sauce-covered breaded wings.

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Vancouver Bound

Air canada

I’m off to Vancouver! I’ll be there from Wednesday afternoon to Monday afternoon, primarily to catch HackVAN. Want to catch up? Drop me a line or tweet!

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The Splendiferous Barfing Cup

Yes, this video’s already made the rounds on the Internet once or twice, but it’s “Weird Video Day” here on Accordion Guy. Besides, for some reason, this video always makes me laugh even though I’ve seen it dozens of times. It’s like the “Bottle Rocket Up the Butt” video from my article Assrockets and Opportunities: after all this time, it’s still high-larious.

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“Tiny Chainsaw” and “Lupo the Butcher”

Tiny Chainsaw is both a video and a song produced and written by Joel Veitch from rathergood.com, who over the years have brought you gems such as Buffy’s Swearing Keyboard, the kitten videos of Gay Bar, Independent Woman and Fell in Love with a Girl and the We Like the Moon song, which got turned into a Quizno’s ad:

Thanks to Ryan Coleman for pointing me to it!

Some people have mentioned that Tiny Chainsaw could be the new Lupo the Butcher. I say that nothing could ever be Lupo the Butcher but Lupo the Butcher:

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Meanwhile, in Finland…

I have no idea what’s going on in the video, other than “It’s a woman wearing a skull mask and a guy in a black blazer and speedo dancing in a swamp somewhere in Finland,” and that the song in the background is Coconut Woman by Harry Belafonte.