Glenn Beck’s Patriotic “1791” Jeans (Plus: “Women in Chore Coats! We Love That.”)

Glenn Beck, a man whom historians will one day say was to the U.S. what lead was to the Romans, is taking a patriotic stand against Levi’s and making his own jeans. Incensed by a Levi’s ad campaign last year that featured global protests and revolutions (“It’s hard to believe that a company associated with America and working class values would use global revolutions and progressivism to sell their products,” he said), he swore off Levi’s and has since announced the launch of 1791 Jeans, which are American-made and are meant to reflect American values. Watch the commercial above and feel the American-ness rush over you, right down to the very last scene (a still is shown below)…

…in which our hero, after building a rocket and lighting the fuse, is running away from it as quickly as he can. It’s an unintentionally perfect metaphor for what’s becoming the great American tradition of poorly-thought out ideas that end in a fantastic explosion, whether it’s the Iraq War, making a quick buck from using crappy mortgages as filler for AAA-rated securities or Honey Boo Boo.

The voice-over in the ad says:

These were the first American blue jeans. The jeans that built America. And they were built in America. Built at a time when things were timeless. A time when you knew things would last. A time when people worked for their dreams and their dreams worked for them.

…which, The Atlantic points out, conveniently ignores the fact that Levi’s made the first blue jeans and patented them in 1873, and that 1791 Jeans were an idea taking shape in Beck’s fevered mind in 2011. “1791” refers to the year that the Bill of Rights was ratified, and as The Atlantic also observes, ratified despite a lack of blue jeans in America that would continue for another four score and two years.

I don’t want to pee on Glenn Beck’s parade — well, I do, but I also aim to be fair: the jeans are 100% made in America. The selvage denim is woven in Greensboro, NC at Cone Denim Mills, and the final product is  cut and sewn in Kentucky at a factory established in the 1920s. Putting Americans back to work is a noble endeavour, even if the person doing so is Glenn effing Beck.

The jeans come in two cuts, classic and straight, and a pair can be yours for the 53%-friendly price of $129.99.

You can find out more by reading the announcement on Glenn Beck’s site. In the comments, the question has already come up: “Are these union made? I hope not.”

Be sure to check out 1791’s online catalog, which includes a Tumblr with the “Chore Coat” below. I love the caption: “Women in chore coats! We love that.” The only thing missing from the pic is the kitchen, which should be her natural setting: