Month: October 2020

The day Mike Pence became a Soundgarden lyric

Post author By Joey deVilla
Post date October 8, 2020
No Comments on The day Mike Pence became a Soundgarden lyric

If you watched the vice presidential debate on CNN last night, you saw the fly that landed on Mike Pence’s head and stayed there for over two minutes. The New York Times wrote about it, Fox News is spinning it, the Biden campaign is having fun with it:

Pitch in $5 to help this campaign fly. https://t.co/CqHAId0j8t pic.twitter.com/NbkPl0a8HV

— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) October 8, 2020

Twitter in general was having fun with it:

Mike Pence with his only black friend. #VPDebate pic.twitter.com/e9H32MMpoy

— Christian Polanco (@chrispolanco) October 8, 2020

…and I was reminded of Drawing Flies, an underappreciated gem from Soundgarden’s 1991 album, Badmotorfinger. Here are the lyrics:

Sitting here like uninvited company
Wallowing in my own obscenities
I share a cigarette with negativity
Sitting here like wet ashes
With x’s in my eyes and drawing flies

Bathed in perspiration drowned my enemies
Used my inspiration for a guillotine
I fire a loaded mental cannon to the page
Leaning on the pedestal that holds my self denial
Firing the pistol that shoots my holy pride
Sitting here like wet ashes
With x’s in my eyes, and drawing flies

I’ll say hey, what you yelling
About, conditions, permission, mirrored self affliction
Hey, what you yellin’ about sadist’s
Co-addiction, perfect analogies
Hey, what you yellin’ about conditions
Permission mirrored self affliction
Leaning on the pedestal that holds my self denial
Firing the pistol that shoots my holy pride
Sitting here like wet ashes with x’s in my eyes
And drawing flies (flies)

Sitting here like uninvited company
Wallowing in my own obscenities
Share a cigarette with negativity
Leaning on the pedestal that holds my self denial
Firing the pistol that shoots my holy pride
Sitting here like wet ashes
With x’s in my eyes and drawing flies

But enough talk — crank up the speakers, and put it on!

America The Current Situation

Tweet of the debate

My favorite tweet so far is this one, in response to Mike Pence’s weak defense of the Trump administration’s handling of the pandemic:

America The Current Situation

Why aren’t there photos of a presidential* pet or presidential* family outings, anyway?

Post author By Joey deVilla
Post date October 7, 2020
No Comments on Why aren’t there photos of a presidential* pet or presidential* family outings, anyway?

These aren’t my words, but they’re the words of Elayne Griffin Baker, under the title No Joy in the White House:

There’s no literature or poetry in the White House. No music. No Kennedy Center award celebrations.

There are no pets in this White House. No loyal man’s best friend. No Socks the family cat.

No kids’ science fairs.

No times when this president takes off his blue suit-red tie uniform and becomes human, except when he puts on his white shirt-khaki pants uniform and hides from Americans to play golf. There are no images of the first family enjoying themselves together in a moment of relaxation. No Obamas on the beach in Hawaii moments, or Bushes fishing in Kennebunkport, no Reagans on horseback, no Kennedys playing touch football on the Cape.

I was thinking the other day of the summer when George H couldn’t catch a fish and all the grandkids made signs and counted the fish-less days. And somehow, even if you didn’t even like GHB, you got caught up in the joy of a family that loved each other and had fun. Where did that country go? Where did all of the fun and joy and expressions of love and happiness go?

We used to be a country that did the ice bucket challenge and raised millions for charity. We used to have a president that calmed and soothed the nation instead dividing it. And a First Lady that planted a garden instead of ripping one out.

We are rudderless and joyless. We have lost the cultural aspects of society that make America great. We have lost our mojo, our fun, our happiness. The cheering on of others. Gone.

The shared experiences of humanity that makes it all worth it. Gone.

The challenges AND the triumphs that we shared and celebrated. The unique can-do spirit Americans have always been known for. Gone.

We have lost so much in so short a time.

Geek

Don’t use the “Super Mario” theme for your insecure internet-connected sex toy’s instructional video

Post author By Joey deVilla
Post date October 7, 2020
No Comments on Don’t use the “Super Mario” theme for your insecure internet-connected sex toy’s instructional video

If you’ve ever bought inexpensive goods online, there’s a chance that their poorly-written instruction manuals were supplemented with a card pointing to a quickly-made YouTube video that does a better job of explaining how to use your new thing. The videos are usually narrated by a Mandarin speaker with a decent grasp of conversational English and royalty-free music. But only one of these videos is for an internet-enabled penis-restraining “chastity” device, and only one of them is backed with the “Super Mario” theme, enhanced with extra synths and sampled sexy moans.

The device in question is the Qiui Cellmate Chastity Cage, which “lets users hand over access to their genitals to a partner who can lock and unlock the cage remotely using an app.”

While there are all sorts penis cages that you can buy — there are dozens on Amazon (and now that I’ve looked at the web page, I’m seeing all kinds of promos and ads for all sorts of…things) — the Cellmate is an “internet of things” device. It’s connected to the internet, which means that you can control it with an app, which means that if you’re the Donald in the relationship, you can slap this bad boy on the penis of your Lyndsey, and you can control their penile freedom from theoretically anywhere in the world.

The problem is that the API — application programming interface, which is basically the way that the app talks to the device — isn’t secure. The appropriately-named Pen Test Partners, a UK security firm, have proven that it’s possible for an unauthorized party to remotely seize control of the device and permanently lock in your nether bits. It also lets you access the user’s messages and location.

(Oddly enough, I just landed a job for a company whose product can be used to secure APIs. Qiui, if you’re interested, drop me a line.)

Even without the internet vulnerability, there’s the matter of another flaw — the device has a knack for unexpectedly locking you in. And there’s no emergency override function. If you’re locked in, you’re locked in. And apparently, once you’re locked in, the only way to get out is with the delicate use of bolt cutters or an angle grinder.

By way of explanation, Qiui chief executive said in emails to TechCrunch, “We are a basement team…When we fix it, it creates more problems.”

If you’re looking for some kind of penis-restraining device, don’t buy the Cellmate.

And if you’re making an instruction video for a commercial product and you’re not Nintendo, don’t use the “Super Mario” theme as background music.

It Happened to Me Stranger than Fiction

Taco Bus isn’t messing around with their “Tacos of Terror”

Post author By Joey deVilla
Post date October 7, 2020
No Comments on Taco Bus isn’t messing around with their “Tacos of Terror”

I’m teaching programming on Zoom on Tuesday and Thursday evenings from 6:00 to 10:00 p.m., which means I’m often getting something to go from one of our local eateries. Last night, I got dinner from the Seminole Heights Taco Bus, where I saw the sign pictured above.

I thought the bit about having to sign a waiver was just advertising hyperbole, but I asked the person behind the counter, and it’s true — you have to sign one before ordering.

Scorpion hot sauce is made with scorpion peppers, which typically have a heat rating of 2 million scovilles. At that point, it’s not food; it’s a weapon.

I might try it, but definitely not before I have to spend 4 hours teaching a class. I don’t want to do that while dealing with the subject matter from the song below:

America The Current Situation

The second-worst person in the White House tested positive for COVID-19

Post author By Joey deVilla
Post date October 7, 2020
No Comments on The second-worst person in the White House tested positive for COVID-19

Photo by Gage Skidmore. Tap to see the original.

Stephen Miller, senior advisor to President Trump, has tested positive for COVID-19.

He’s been a key advisor to Trump since his presidency*, with his notable accomplishments being:

Co-writing the “American Carnage” inaugural speech with human ghoul and border wall fundraiser fraudster Steve Bannon
Architecting great humanitarian hits such as the Muslim Travel ban and the Trump administration policy of spearating migrant children from their parents
Working hard to reduce even legal immigration (He’s probably the reason why my green card renewal process took 18 months)
Preventing the publication of internal administration studies that showed that refugees had a net positive effect on government revenues
Engineering the resignation of Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen, whom he didn’t think was hawkish enough on immigration.
Making the Trump administration standard-issue unsubstantiated claims about voter fraud

Here’s are a couple of quick videos to help you get better acquainted with Stephen Miller. This one’s from Now This:

And here’s one from those left-leaning hippies at the Wall Street Journal:

And if you’ve got a little more time, here’s Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj on Immigration Enforcement, which includes footage showing that Stephen Miller’s racist tendencies go all the way back to high school: