The scene: A table at a ROOFTOP PATIO. The air is abuzz with mildly
inebriated conversation and the intoxicating scent of spring air,
budding flora and cute women. Seated at the table are the ACCORDION
GUY, MELLOW VELO, VIDEO CHICK. They are talking to an ENTHUSIASTIC
YOUNG LADY who has come over from another table to converse.
One of the ENTHUSIASTIC YOUNG LADY’s friends comes over to the table
and tells her its time for them to loeave. The ENTHUSIASTIC YOUNG LADY
takes her leave of the table. The ACCORDION GUY waits a beat before
talking.
ACCORDION GUY: She’s cute and seems both clever and fun. You should’ve asked for her phone number. If I were a free man and a shade younger…
MELLOW VELO: Ehhhh…I dunno.
ACCORDION GUY: Dude, have you
been falling behind on your testoterone payments lately? Girl! Possibly
available! You! Available for too long! Go! There’s still time to catch up! Go!
MELLOW VELO gets up, makes a half-hearted five steps toward the door, stops, turns around and returns to his seat.
MELLOW VELO: Naaaaah.
ACCORDION GUY: Why’d you stop?
MELLOW VELO: If she was really interested, she’d have given me her phone number.
ACCORDION GUY (slaps hand on forehead): Oh, dear God, you are so stunningly wrong. I’m calling in experts. Hey, Video Chick, I need a woman’s opinion here in aisle seven…
VIDEO CHICK: Sure. What about?
ACCORDION GUY: I know that’s
its the 21st century and all that, but…let’s suppose you meet a guy
and you like him. Would you prefer that he make the first move and give
you his phone number, or would you rather do it?
VIDEO CHICK: I prefer it when
the guy does it. But that never happens anymore; I have to make the
first move. You know why? Because boys are pussies these days. Pussies!
ACCORDION GUY (making pelvic
thrust motions under the table, arms lifted above head): Ask The
Redhead. Not all boys. (Turns to MELLOW VELO) Dude, as soon as you
found out she was outdoorsy and an enginner, you were looking at her
the way Marlon Brando looks at pork chops!
VIDEO CHICK: Boys suck.
MELLOW VELO: Yeah, but I didn’t get an interested vibe from her.
ACCORDION GUY: Even when the
odds seem bad, I always step up to bat. Or at least I did, when I was
available. Which I’m not anymore, because I stepped up to the plate every time. This is just like the time that girl was checking me out and you told the entire table except for me.
MELLOW VELO: If something was going to happen, something would have happened.
ACCORDION GUY (clasping both sides of his head): You don’t know that, and I can’t act on information I don’t know! When did you get into predestination, anyway?
MELLOW VELO: I’ve seen you play
the odds, and you always worked the interested girls harder. There are
the ones who don’t pay any attention, and then there are the ones
pawing the accordion, and then you. Remember what’s-her-face from Lee’s
Palace?
ACCORDION GUY (wistfully): [Sigh]
Yeah. (snaps to) But — uh — as I was going to say, you have to
actually step forward and make some kind of move before you can even
hope to determine who’s interested and who’s not. Do you agree, Video
Chick?
VIDEO CHICK: Boys. Are. Pussies.
8 replies on “A slice of last night as a play in one act”
But — uh — as I was going to say, you have to actually step forward and make some kind of move before you can even hope to determine who’s interested and who’s not
A lesson that Our Hero will have to learn on his own.
Just like I’ve JUST realized *wry*
Video_Chick++
What? Do you carry around a mini tape recorder wherever you go? LOL. I forgot about that conversation and while reading, I’m like, wait….I SAID THAT! đ
Ok, I’m willing to take the chance that I was wrong in figuring it wasn’t anything more than a fun drink filled evening on a rooftop with a cute outgoing woman who happens to like to hug turbine engines.
In the spirit of all flicks chick, where the hero fumbles and then scrambles to catch up on the opportunity missed for the rest of the movie, running across scenic vista after scenic vista in a series of near misses all set to a feel good soundtrack of hope, I’ll take the incalcuable chance and ask, against all odds, miss “I’d Hire C*****”, if there was anything beyond the goofy signs and good times of that evening, please let me know.
Eldon
aka mellow velo
aka the dude that didn’t tell
P.S. for our home browsing audience, it is reasonable to believe she or one of her friends would see this as links to here were exchanged.
The answer is: I don’t know. And neither will anyone else, since you didn’t ask.
You just seemed interested, and the I have leanred that strategy that yields the best results — through painful experience — is to simply step up to the plate and ask. I’d much rather hear a “Sorry, not interested” and roll with a little short-term disappointment than agonize over whether to take action, fail to do so and spend years playing “shoulda, woulda, coudla” scenarios in my head.
It was a memorable conversation, Liz!
Perhaps it’s just the transcription, but it sounds like each time Accordion Guy makes with the encouragement, he immediately mentions he’s “not available.”
A guilty reflex about being in “cruise mode” while the Red Head is out of town… đ
Lucky for him, I’m not particularly the jealous type.