Go to sleep Baby Yoda, a fan-clip video put together by Auralnauts last December, takes video from The Mandalorian and adds all-new dialog to create something that probably happens but we’ll never see: The Mandalorian trying to get The Child to go to bed, first with a little playtime, then some TV, and finally, a lullabye!
If you haven’t seen it yet, watch it now:
Halloween should be both fun and frightening, and what better way to combine the two than to re-cast the Muppets as horror film icons, as Jason Beck’s “Muppet Maniacs” did?
If you’ve ever bought inexpensive goods online, there’s a chance that their poorly-written instruction manuals were supplemented with a card pointing to a quickly-made YouTube video that does a better job of explaining how to use your new thing. The videos are usually narrated by a Mandarin speaker with a decent grasp of conversational English and royalty-free music. But only one of these videos is for an internet-enabled penis-restraining “chastity” device, and only one of them is backed with the “Super Mario” theme, enhanced with extra synths and sampled sexy moans.
The device in question is the Qiui Cellmate Chastity Cage, which “lets users hand over access to their genitals to a partner who can lock and unlock the cage remotely using an app.”
While there are all sorts penis cages that you can buy — there are dozens on Amazon (and now that I’ve looked at the web page, I’m seeing all kinds of promos and ads for all sorts of…things) — the Cellmate is an “internet of things” device. It’s connected to the internet, which means that you can control it with an app, which means that if you’re the Donald in the relationship, you can slap this bad boy on the penis of your Lyndsey, and you can control their penile freedom from theoretically anywhere in the world.
The problem is that the API — application programming interface, which is basically the way that the app talks to the device — isn’t secure. The appropriately-named Pen Test Partners, a UK security firm, have proven that it’s possible for an unauthorized party to remotely seize control of the device and permanently lock in your nether bits. It also lets you access the user’s messages and location.
(Oddly enough, I just landed a job for a company whose product can be used to secure APIs. Qiui, if you’re interested, drop me a line.)
Even without the internet vulnerability, there’s the matter of another flaw — the device has a knack for unexpectedly locking you in. And there’s no emergency override function. If you’re locked in, you’re locked in. And apparently, once you’re locked in, the only way to get out is with the delicate use of bolt cutters or an angle grinder.
By way of explanation, Qiui chief executive said in emails to TechCrunch, “We are a basement team…When we fix it, it creates more problems.”
If you’re looking for some kind of penis-restraining device, don’t buy the Cellmate.
And if you’re making an instruction video for a commercial product and you’re not Nintendo, don’t use the “Super Mario” theme as background music.
Between getting ready for Hurricane Irma, which is headed our way in a couple of days and is threatening to become a category 5 storm…
…and doing some “round tuit” household chores (“I’ll do it when I get a round tuit”) on Labor Day Monday…
…it was time to gather up the flashlights at home.
Anitra ran to get me one, and came back annoyed.
“I bought this ages ago,” she said, “and it was still in the packaging. The battery compartment’s all screwed up!”
“Screwed up how?” I asked.
She opened up the back of the flashlight to show me what she meant. This is what I saw:
In the photo above, the leftmost battery receptacle is set up properly. It has a negative terminal (the one with a spring) and a positive terminal.
The other two terminals are a carnival of half-assery:
“Wow,” I said. “That is screwed up. I should submit this to the You Had One Job Twitter account.”
From an electric circuit point of view, this isn’t really a problem. As long as the terminals can make contact with the battery, current will flow, and the bulbs will light up.
The problem is more about fit:
“I can’t even return it!” Anitra said. “I don’t have the invoice anymore.”
“Maybe we won’t have to,” I said, and I took the flashlight to my desk in the home office. I wasn’t going to be beaten by a simple manufacturing defect.
I removed the three screws holding the flashlight together and saw that the fix was easy. It would be a simple matter of swapping two terminals, which would result in each receptacle having one positive and one negative terminal. The terminals slide out of the receptacle easily once you bend the metal tab holding them in place:
However, in the process of swapping the terminals, you need to disconnect at least one of them from the wire. Once you swap them, you have to reestablish the connection. It was time to break out the Christmas present that my in-laws gave me:
Late last year, they’d asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I suggested that I could use a soldering iron, and they delivered. Then things got crazy, what with suddenly having to search for a job and all the madness that ensued, so this ended up being my first chance to break it out.
I plugged in the iron, let it heat up, and moments later, I unsoldered one of the terminals. I then swapped the terminals, and then reconnected the loose terminal with a proper joint:
With the repair complete, I screwed the unit back together, and the battery receptacles now looked like this:
I inserted three fresh AAA batteries into the flashlight, closed the battery compartment, flipped it over, and pressed the power button. Here’s what happened:
Success!
I brought the flashlight to Anitra, who was impressed with my work. Red Green was right:
I am mindful of the fact that I’m fixing only one flashlight at my leisure, in the comfort of the ergonomic chair in my air-conditioned home office, and not hundreds or thousands every day on a barely-maintained assembly line in a non-air-conditioned factory in the Third World for a laughably tiny wage.
The repair I made would be considered laughably simple by an electrician or electronics tech, and I’m willing to bet it would’ve been within the abilities of most of the regulars at Tampa Hackerspace. They might even be amused that I found this incident worthy of writing a whole blog article, complete with photos.
But it is worthy of a blog article. I’m willing to bet that this repair would’ve been beyond most people, who — without a way to return or exchange the flashlight — would’ve simply tossed it in the trash or recycled it. That’s a pity, because in spite of the increasing complexity of our devices, a good number of them are still repairable with a modicum of skill, and as the do-it-yourselfers say, “If you can’t fix it, you don’t really own it.”
I’m not going to claim that I can do every kind of repair, but I’m glad that I’ve been able to do a number of them around the house, from this flashlight to the sensor in our washing machine to patching the chip in our granite kitchen counter to replacing the faucet in our kitchen sink.
It may actually be easier to perform a lot of household repairs yourself these days, thanks to the proliferation of YouTube repair videos. I wish I’d thought of recording one while repairing the flashlight. If you find yourself needing to fix something, search YouTube — the odds are goods that there’s a “how to fix it” video.
Another good source of “repair recipes” is iFixit, which is home to tens of thousands of electric and electronic repair guides, and they’re the people behind the Repair Manifesto featured above. I don’t know if they’ll ever come close to their stretch goal — a repair manual for every device in the world — but I applaud them for it.
And finally, if there’s a hackerspace or makerspace in your area — here in Tampa Bay, we’ve got places like Tampa Hackerspace, The Hive, and others — check it out, join it, support it, learn, and take control of the things you own.
There’s a price to be paid for fixing things yourself: time. What you save in money and from the landfill, you pay in the time invested in the repair, and if need be, learning how to do it.
But there’s a payoff — being able to fix things helps build a “can do” mindset. That’s something that you’ll bring with you wherever you go, and it’ll take you far in work, life, and play.
