Category: Stranger than Fiction

Categories
Music Stranger than Fiction The Current Situation

The day Mike Pence became a Soundgarden lyric

He was also Outshined.

If you watched the vice presidential debate on CNN last night, you saw the fly that landed on Mike Pence’s head and stayed there for over two minutes. The New York Times wrote about it, Fox News is spinning it, the Biden campaign is having fun with it:

Twitter in general was having fun with it:

…and I was reminded of Drawing Flies, an underappreciated gem from Soundgarden’s 1991 album, Badmotorfinger. Here are the lyrics:

Sitting here like uninvited company
Wallowing in my own obscenities
I share a cigarette with negativity
Sitting here like wet ashes
With x’s in my eyes and drawing flies

Bathed in perspiration drowned my enemies
Used my inspiration for a guillotine
I fire a loaded mental cannon to the page
Leaning on the pedestal that holds my self denial
Firing the pistol that shoots my holy pride
Sitting here like wet ashes
With x’s in my eyes, and drawing flies

I’ll say hey, what you yelling
About, conditions, permission, mirrored self affliction
Hey, what you yellin’ about sadist’s
Co-addiction, perfect analogies
Hey, what you yellin’ about conditions
Permission mirrored self affliction
Leaning on the pedestal that holds my self denial
Firing the pistol that shoots my holy pride
Sitting here like wet ashes with x’s in my eyes
And drawing flies (flies)

Sitting here like uninvited company
Wallowing in my own obscenities
Share a cigarette with negativity
Leaning on the pedestal that holds my self denial
Firing the pistol that shoots my holy pride
Sitting here like wet ashes
With x’s in my eyes and drawing flies

But enough talk — crank up the speakers, and put it on!

Categories
It Happened to Me Stranger than Fiction

Taco Bus isn’t messing around with their “Tacos of Terror”

I’m teaching programming on Zoom on Tuesday and Thursday evenings from 6:00 to 10:00 p.m., which means I’m often getting something to go from one of our local eateries. Last night, I got dinner from the Seminole Heights Taco Bus, where I saw the sign pictured above.

I thought the bit about having to sign a waiver was just advertising hyperbole, but I asked the person behind the counter, and it’s true — you have to sign one before ordering.

Scorpion hot sauce is made with scorpion peppers, which typically have a heat rating of 2 million scovilles. At that point, it’s not food; it’s a weapon.

I might try it, but definitely not before I have to spend 4 hours teaching a class. I don’t want to do that while dealing with the subject matter from the song below:

Categories
Music Stranger than Fiction

When you love the song “Total Eclipse of the Heart” but don’t know the language

This performance — as seen on Brazilian TV show Alerta Amazonas — perfectly captures  the Spirit of 2020 like nothing else: Incredibly flawed, but damn it, we’re going to soldier through it somehow.

It’s my new favorite cover of Bonnie Tyler’s 1983 hit, Total Eclipse of the Heart:

Some days we’re the singer, some days we’re the twirling guy.

In case you were wondering what my old favorite version was, it’s Hurra Torpedo’s cover:

And for old times’ sake, here’s the original:

Thanks to Raymi the Minx for the find!

Categories
Florida Internet Finds Stranger than Fiction

Meanwhile, in Florida…

Tap the photo to see the Florida-ness at full size.
Categories
Stranger than Fiction

Headline of the day: “Pair hired for man’s broom sexual fantasy turn up in bedroom at wrong address with machetes”

Shadow of machete with headline “Pair hired for man’s broom sexual fantasy turn up in bedroom at wrong address with machetes / After appearing in an unsuspecting resident’s bedroom with knives at 6.15am, the duo accepted their mistake, saying ‘sorry mate’”

The Sky News headline reads “Pair hired for man’s broom sexual fantasy turn up in bedroom at wrong address with machetes,” and has the subheading “After appearing in an unsuspecting resident’s bedroom with knives at 6.15am, the duo accepted their mistake, saying ‘sorry mate’”.

I love the rather matter-of-fact account of what happened:

Police said the intended client had “history and proclivity for engaging the services of people”.

He had made arrangements with a man on Facebook for people to engage in the role play, and sent his address – before he later updated it after moving house more than 30 miles away.

But the resident of the home where the men mistakenly turned up to told police that when he noticed a light on in his lounge at around 6.15am, he assumed it was a friend who visits daily to make coffee.

He said he called out: “B***** off, it’s too early.”

After hearing a voice asking “is your name Kevin?”, the man said he turned his light on to see two men he did not recognise standing next to his bed, both holding machetes.

A conversation then ensued, in which the pair repeatedly sought to establish whether he was “Kevin”, each time being told “no” in response.

At one point, one of them asked: “Are you sure you are not Kevin as we were told to come to [this address] and pick up Kevin.”

Eventually accepting their error, the duo then left, with one saying “sorry mate” and shaking the resident’s hand, while the other said “bye”.

The resident then called police.

I have questions:

  1. It’s supposed to be a “broom fantasy”. Why did they bring machetes?
  2. How do you get a wrong address in the age of GPS?
  3. Maybe I’m getting old, but who schedules a fantasy encounter for 6:15 a.m.? These days, the only thing I fantasize about at that time is more sleep.

 

Categories
Stranger than Fiction The Current Situation

Karen of the day: “I yield my time to the representative from Ventura County’s Crazytown”

Deborah Baber (right) and…is it Uday or Qusay? I never can tell which is which.

County Board of Supervisors meetings are dull, dreary, monotonous affairs most of the time, so let’s give a big hand to Deborah Baber for the completely bonkers “Vanilla ISIS/Yokel Haram/Branch Covidian” energy she brought to Ventura County’s meeting when given the floor to talk about her courageousness in not wearing a mask:

In case you needed a closer look at the middle school science fair-level posterboard she used as a visual aid for her rant, here’s a photo:

In spite of her moving performance, which I’m sure she sees in her mind as a Mr. Smith Goes to Washington moment, the Ventura City Council voted 4-3 in favor of requiring masks in public places.

For more, see Heavy’s article, Ventura County ‘Karen’ ID’d as Deborah Baber in Viral Video.

Categories
Florida of the Day Stranger than Fiction

You might want to wear a mask…

…and this is Florida in mid-June; you’ll also want lots of bug repellent and sunscreen.