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Some random stuff while I’m waiting for the compiler to finish

Cory in tha house!

We have a house guest for the next week or so here at Stately Accordion Manor: the one and only Good Reverend Doctor Cory Doctorow, award-winning auteur, bOINGbOING editor, freedom fighter, chain smoker and minister of some mail-order chruch or another. He’s in town to attend Ad Astra, the sci-fi conference and enjoy some time away from a slowly disintegrating city where they poop on the streets.

Welcome, Cory!

Ay, there’s the rub

A number of people with some very wide-open personal boundaries have started a website where they can log each time they’ve masturbated. Apparently they have accounts on a server, and they record each wank by logging in and then entering the command

touch .myself

(For the non-geeky, touch is a UNIX command that changes the “last modified” date of a file to the current date and time.)

The site displays its information in many interesting ways. For instance, December 2001 was the biggest month for masturbation (dammit, I knew that menorahs and Christmas trees were just too damned phallic!), and one guy named “Preppyboi” must be a serious juice machine, masturbating an average of once every two hours!

As I wrote earlier, it would be wrong of me to say they have too much time on their hands. But I’m sure they have too much something on their hands!

These people clearly have too much cat on their hands

Oh…dear…lord…

Someone should tell her to lift the cat with her knees, not her back.

That’s one huge cat. Perhaps too large to fit into a wok.

Note that Tubcat's wide enough to almost completely cover the woman's torso!

Don’t forget the Golden Rule of Comedy: morbidly obese cat + Photoshop = HIGH-LARIOUS!

It's an pterodactyl! It's a zeppelin! It's Tubcat!

I wonder if John Ashcroft would freak out if he saw Tubcat.

See all this and more at Tubcat’s site!

(Big thanks to Chris for telling me about the roly-poly kitty.)

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Yet Another Anti-Bloggie Promo

Vote for The Adventures of AccordionGuy in the 21st Century as the best…hetero…site…ever!

You want proof? You got proof, baby:

Go to......the Anti-Bloggies site...

...(http://antibloggies.com)......and vote!

Vote this blog for...Best Heterosexual Blog and Blog of the Millenium,

Naked Pope: The Movie for Dumbest Name,and Salad with Steve for Most Likely To Eat A Cheese Sandwich

I’m the Thrilla from Manila. All that, and I’m queer-positive too! Straight but not narrow, as it were!

Now go to the Anti-Bloggies voting page and vote for me now!

Salad With Steve for “Most Likely To Eat A Cheese Sandwich”!

My friend and former co-worker, Steve Jenson (who now works for Blogger, making all that wonderful Blogger Pro goodness) wants his blog, Salad With Steve to win the Anti-Bloggie for “Most Likely To Eat A Cheese Sandwich”. Steve’s a stand-up guy and I know him well enough to say that yes, he is quite likely to eat a cheese sandwich. So please go to the Anti-Bloggies voting page and vote for:

  • The Adventures of AccordionGuy in the 21st Century for “Best Heterosexual Blog” and “Blog Of The Millennium”
  • Naked Pope: The Movie for Dumbest Name
  • Salad With Steve for “Most Likely To Eat A Cheese Sandwich”

My life as a snow cone vendor (or, a ploy to get more votes for the Anti-Bloggies with actual content!)

Of course, hitting you over and over with requests for votes wouldn’t be any good if I didn’t do something nice for you in return, would it?

I happen to have a story I haven’t told in a while. It’s a story that some long-time friends haven’t heard — my friend Leesh, for example, whom I’ve known for over ten years. She wrote to me, expressing surprise that I drove a snow cone truck in 1985. Her hubby George remarked that there was “some illegality and a lesbian” might have been involved.

He’s mostly right.

Story tomorrow.

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Prayer of the Day

Lord, protect us from your fans and their crappy comics.

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Google’s Programming Contest

Google has just announced its first annual programming contest!

The objective is to write a program that will do something “interesting” with the about 900,000 Web pages’ worth data that’s Google provides. In addition to writing the program, contestants also have to convince the judges why their program is interesting (or useful) and why it will scale (that is, handle a constantly increasing load of data that grows as the Web grows). The prize is US$10,000 in cash, a V.I.P. tour of the Google facility in Mountain View, California and possibly a chance to run their program on Google’s complete billion-Web-page store.

Google suggest that the programs be written to fit in one of two categories — Systems or Applications. A Systems program would be concerned about the handling of Google’s data (possibly improving storage compression or indexing) while an Applications program is more concerned about the semantics of the data (say, a program that can detect two pages that are nearly identical or can cluster pages by topic or type).

I think I’ll have my hands full with Peek-A-Booty for the next little while, but I know that a least a few programmers read this blog. Guys, get to work!

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The Anti-Bloggie Alliance

Nick Mark’s blog, Naked Pope: The Movie, has an even dumber title than mine. He won an Anti-Bloggie award last year for — you guessed it — “Dumbest Name”, and he wants to win it again this year. He’s willing to let me have “Best Heterosexual Blog” and “Weblog of the Millennium” — he just wants “Dumbest Name”. In the spirit of cooperation between bloggers-in-arms, I have decided to join with him in a unified Anti-Bloggie campaign.

So I’m asking you to vote in the Anti-Bloggies and enter Naked Pope: The Movie (www.nakedpopethemovie.com) for Dumbest Name and The Adventures of AccordionGuy in the 21st Century (www.kode-fu.com/shame) for Best Heterosexual Blog and Weblog of the Millennium. And while you’re at it, check out Naked Pope: The Movie for all your disrobed pontiff reading.

The offer for the cookies still stands, but now you have to vote for both Nick and me.

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Tunes

Are “Friends” Electric?

I’m programming and enjoying the music on GRRL Radio (you can see the songs they’ve just played here)..

Right now, they’re playing a wonderful cover of Gary Numan’s Are “Friends” Electric? by The Replicants, a side project made up of members of the post-grunge bands Failure and Tool.

Hey Mister

This is another song I’ve been listening to.

The story behind this delightful little ditty goes like this: a musician who goes by the name of Custom went out to a bar with his sisters. At the bar, he noticed all the guys hitting on his sibs and felt a little bit protective of them. As the night wore on, he himself was flirting with other women and it suddenly dawned on him: he wasn’t very different from the men making advances to his sisters. Duh. From this incident, he was inspired to write Hey Mister. It opens with

Hey Mister

I really like your daughter

I’d like to eat her like ice cream

Maybe dip her in chocolate

and it ends with this line sung over and over:

I hope I never have a daughter

You can check out the full lyrics here and download the MP3 and video here.

This song is full of delicious testorone-glazed sexual eeeevil that it appeals to my inner Scorpiopath. I give it the AccordionGuy thumbs up; this is definitely going in my busking repertoire. You might wonder how a guy who plays sweet accordion waltzes for an artist who writes romantic lyrics like “How long has it been since a boy made me blush?” can also get his jollies from Hey Mister. I blame it on a combination of Catholic school and aspartame.

I remember telling guitarist Neil Leyton how much I love this song and sang the first verse to him. He looked at me as if I had just suggested that cats are just egg rolls waiting to happen (which I think is true, anyway). Besides, how shocked could a guy who plays bass in CJ Sleez’s band really be (for Chrissake, the drummer’s name is “Fuckface“)?

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Nominate Me!

I would like an Anti-Bloggie, please.

If the Bloggies are the Oscars of the blogging world, then the Anti-Bloggies are the Sundance Festival. Or the Lapdance Festival. Or the Adult Video Awards. Anyhow, I didn’t stand a chance in even getting nominated into the Bloggies, and Wil “Wesley Crusher” Wheaton’s blog pretty much swept them this year. But with your help, I stand a fair-to-middling chance of netting myself an Anti-Bloggie.

In the Bloggies, you vote in categories such as “Best Canadian Weblog” (Congratulations, Natalie!), “Best-Designed Weblog” (Whoo, what a photo!), “(Best Tagline of a Weblog” Wesley Crusher), “Best Weblog About Music“, “Most Humourous Weblog” and “Best-Kept Secret Weblog“. In the Anti-Bloggies, the categories are “Most Obsessed With Radiohead”, “Most Obsessed About ‘Which X Are You?” Tests”, “Most Distracting Background Image”, “Biggest Stalker”, “Bad Hair Blog” and “Most Insensitive Response to 9-11”.

I’m asking for you to vote for me for “Dumbest Name”, “Best Heterosexual Weblog” and “Weblog of the Millenium”. C’mon folks, after all the hours of fine reading I’ve given you, is it so much to ask? Do you really think that Wesley Crusher deserves more awards than me (after all, even though it took a while, I at least finished school while he dropped out of Starfleet Academy, the little whiny quitter!)? I’ll even sweeten the pot: if you can prove you’ve voted for me (a screen shot of the Anti-Bloggies site with The Adventures of AccordionGuy in the 21st Century will do nicely) and come over to my house, I will bake you some cookies. Really.

Update (Tuesday, February 5th, 12:50 p.m. EST): Give your “Dumbest Name” vote to Nick Mark’s Naked Pope: The Movie instead. I still want “Best Heterosexual Weblog” and “Weblog of the Millennium”. Vote, dammit!

“Unfinished Business” Week, Part 7

A special hello to some engineering friends

Funny I should mention Wil Wheaton.

His show, Star Trek: The Next Generation had a seven-year run, spanning from 1987 with the rather dreadful premiere episode Encounter at Farpoint (the new city is actually a big space jellyfish!) to 1994 with the pretty decent series finale All Good Things… (Captain Picard dooms, then saves the human race). In a very fitting coincidence, my University career also spans those years, from 1987 with Hey Baby, Why Don’t I Help You With Your Mech Assignment at Your Place? to 1994 with Do You Mind If I Take Off My Pants?. Like the show, I hit my stride in the 3rd and 4th years, there were several cute guest stars, ridiculous costumes and a lot of technobabble. That, and my friend George made smart-ass comments about both the show and my life (the two stand-outs are “It’s not easy being me, but it’s easier than being Joey” and “If Joey does it, it must be sordid”).

I spent a good chunk of my years at Queen’s as a DJ at Clark Hall Pub, a bar run by the Engineering Society. Being a DJ gave me the best seat in the room, all the beer I could drink, opportunities to meet new people (read “women”) and make friends. My university years predate my accordion-playing years, so when I run into old college buddies while busking, they’re quite surprised.

The most noteable run-in I’ve had so far took place before Christmas when Jane “Killer” Buchanan (we called her “Killer” because she’s so laid back — go figure), Chris Hilborn and Chris Evans ran into me while I was playing at the corner of Queen and Spadina. I played some classics off my Clark Hall Pub playlist (You Shook Me All Night Long, Head Like a Hole and so on), and even made some decent coin while doing it. Chris tried to call two other friends whom they’d just said goodbye to — Kristine “Dobber” Dobson and Greg Alexander, but they didn’t answer their cell phone. Too bad; I thought I was in pretty good form that night.

It being almost Christmas, I gave my earnings to Leanne, a very sweet street kid who panhandles at the corner.

So there you go, “Killer”, Chris and Chris — the mention I promised! Hi, guys!

Saturday Night’s Gig

I missed out on playing at a jam at Eclipse while taking care of some programming business with Peekabooty. CVS — the system that keeps our software straight while Paul and I work on different parts of it at the same time — was acting up and preventing me from checking in my changes. Once that was done, it was off to the Art Bar to back Lindi up at a gallery opening for Rannie Turingan’s photos.

They started the show earlier than than I was told it would start, so I arrived a few songs in. Lindi was just finishing Naughtly Little Thing when I walked up to the stage and introduced me as her accordion player, saying I was very cute and that she wanted to wrap me up in a package so she could have Christmas every day. Isn’t she the best? She always says really nice things about me.

Special message to George: you never did that for me when we were in a band together, you bass-playing beeyotch!

Anyhow, it was just her on the Art Bar’s charmingly honky-tonk piano and my street accordion. We did the songs on her new album, some “head” covers — namely Radiohead and Portishead — and even improvised a I-V waltz about watching dirty movies while I yelled out porn titles like In and Out of Africa, Malcolm XXX and Assablanca. Lindi’s improvised lyrics were hilarious.

After the gig, I got to chat with some folks from the audience, including fellow gtablogger Emma Jane. Lindi, her friend Damian and I went to 7 West and had drinks and dessert, talking about serious stuff like upcoming gigs and nonsense like the one time I go-go danced for Electric Circus (hey, they were short some people that night).

I went home after that and worked on some more Peekabooty code until 5 that morning. No rest for the wicked, folks!