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Tuesday Randomness

Mmmmm…Cake!

I’m working on Peekabooty right now, but also enjoying Cake’s live webcast. They just opened with Comfort Eagle, and they’re sounding good!

Alas, I won’t be able to catch the whole thing. I have to run out to Pickering to rehearse with Lindi.

Hey guys from Cake, if you need an accordion player, I’m available…

It’s all a roll of the 3d6

I’ve been avoiding the wave of silly on-line tests, but couldn’t resist this one, which tells you what your real-life Dungeons and Dragons stats would be. Here’s how I rated:

Strength: 7

Intelligence: 11

Wisdom: 13

Dexterity: 11

Constitution: 8

Charisma: 16

I think my charisma rating is a little high, but hey, the machine said so!

I guess that orcs and even pissant little kobolds would be wiping the walls with me in a dungeon, but I’d be a hit at the local inns and taverns. Given that and the accordion playing, I’d probably make a good bard. Less killing and campaigning through the muck, and more wenches for me!

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Dude, where’s my meme?

“Memes don’t exist. Tell your friends.”

Definition

Pronounced meem, a meme is an idea that replicates by planting itself in people’s minds and altering their behaviour so that they spread it to other people. Some examples of successful memes:

Richard Dawkins coined the term in his book The Selfish Gene, and my friend Cory Doctorow has the dubious distinction of being the person who carried out the most flagrant abuse of the term when he once talked about osmosing the meme (thankfully, he refrains from techno-striver-speak these days. Most of the time, anyway.).

My meme makes a round trip

In 1995, I was a programmer at Mackerel Interactive Multimedia, making interactive CD-ROMs back when they were all the rage. I was a subscriber to The Wombat, which was a little e-mail bulletin put out sporadically by and for the graduating class of Science ’91, my engineering class at Queen’s University. Face, the editor, asked me to write up a little joke to put in the next issue, something about being in the working world. I had just noted to Kevin Steele, one of Mackerel’s creative directors, that drug dealers and software developers both referred to their clientele as “users”. Taking that as a starting point, I came up with a cute little chart comparing the the two lines of work. It got some laughs, I got some e-mail responses along the line of “hey, that was funny.” I thought the joke would get passed around a small number of engineering and marketing offices and then disappear into the meme swamp.

Today, I was reading and older entry in Adam Curry’s blog, which had the following:

You know that age old joke about similarities between Drug Dealers and Software Developers?

I’m smokin’ the pipe dude.

I thought wait a minute… and clicked the “age old” link from the quote above. There it was, my joke, verbatim!

I did a quick Google search on “drug dealers” “software developers” and found a page after page of my gag. Some versions were word-for-word the same as mine, some were updated to use more current terminology, and some people had even inserted their own jokes. But they all had my little gag as their originator.

Who knows how much office productivity was lost by people’s forwarding my little joke? I’m sure the number crunchers would argue that millions of dollars have been wasted. Look at me, I’m sticking it to The Man!

Just for kicks, I’m going to have to look through my saved e-mail from the Mackerel days, which is sitting on an old 44-meg SyQuest cartridge disk (remember those?), just to see if I can find the original. Getting credit for it isn’t important to me; I just think that the original meme would be the socio-cultural equivalent of having the very first amoeba preserved in a petri dish.

But hey, if you really want to, say “Accordion Guy wrote that!” or “Dude, that’s Joey’s!” the next time you see it on a Web page or someone forwards it to you in an e-mail, go right ahead.

Recommended Reading

Memes.org: A discussion board for people who love memetics.

Burying the Fish: Cory Doctorow’s very nice elegy for Mackerel. Written for Wired magazine, it was never published.

And one last thought: Don’t “just say no.” Say “No, thank you.” Drug dealers have feelings too.

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Got Dream?
or,
Happy MLK Day!

Happy 73rd, sir, and thank you very much.

I think I’ll let the good doctor do most of the talking today. Here’s the I Have a Dream speech, which he delivered on August 28th, 1963 at the Lincoln Memorial, Washington, D.C.

I Have a Dream

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity.

But one hundred years later, we must face the tragic fact that the Negro is still not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize an appalling condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation’s capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.” But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check — a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to open the doors of opportunity to all of God’s children. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment and to underestimate the determination of the Negro. This sweltering summer of the Negro’s legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, “When will you be satisfied?” We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro’s basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.”

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor’s lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God’s children will be able to sing with a new meaning, “My country, ’tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim’s pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring.”

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, “Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!”

Thank you too, Mahalia

Apparently Dr. King was going to go with a short and more formal speech when gospel singer Mahalia Jackson, sitting in the front row, yelled out “Tell them about your dream, Martin! Tell them about the dream!” Some people in the audience joined in, and in response, Dr. King extemporized the famous speech above. Ms. Jackson (I’d call you Mahalia, but I’m nasty), thank you very much.

Dr. King and Star Trek

Nichelle Nichols, who played the Enterprise’s communications officer Lt. Uhura, was considering leaving Star Trek after the first season. Dr. King convinced her to stay on the show, as she was one of the few black role models on TV. She stayed, paving the way for other black Trek actors characters such as Geordi LaForge, Michael “Worf” Dorn, Captain Sisko, Lt. Tuvok and most recently, Ensign Travis Mayweather. Not to mention other black sci-fi heroes such as the ultra-schmoove Lando Calrissian, Dr. Stephen Franklin from Babylon 5 and Red Dwarf’s Lister and Cat. And, of course, real spacewoman Dr. Mae Jemison, who in a strange twist, also guest-starred on an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation.

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Jesus-Related Quotes of the Day

Christ Died for Our DUNKIN' DONUTS

“Jesus loves you, but he’s not in love with you.”

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Thanks for coming out, part one

Thanks to everyone who showed up to Pogeypalooza. It was a charming little soiree that wouldn’t have been the same without you. I’ll get the pictures off Paul and post them later today or tomorrow.

The first guests

Noel, one of the programmers who started at the company just after New Year’s, was the first to arrive. He joined me out on the back deck while I barbecued the burgers. He asked me what my plans for the future were, and I told him about Peekabooty. Once the burgers were done, we took them to the dining room table and Paul joined us.

“Your burgers are good, but you have a little way to go before the burgers are like Rob’s,” Paul said between bites. “You used the same ingredients, but I think he puts more love into his.”

“Hey buddy,” I retorted, “any more love in the burgers and I would’ve had to take my pants off.”

The crock pot incident

About midway through the party, Karen saw something on my kitchen counter that caused her great concern. I was making my way to the fridge when she buttonholed me to voice said concern.

“I can’t believe that Joey deVilla has a crock pot!”

(While I don’t like talking about myself in the third person, I find it flattering when other people do so when talking to me. In the future, could you please phrase it as “The Joey deVilla”?)

“That’s so wrong,” she continued, “the guy who used to DJ at Clark Hall Pub and who plays accordion on the street should not have a crock pot! That’s for when you’ve settled down!”

She mentioned that Martha remarked that such a transgression of cool could be forgiven if my grandmother had given it to me. Hasn’t she heard of the phenomenon called “Just Gay Enough“? Sensitive and manly, all rolled into one? The kind of guy who’ll bake you some really good toll house cookies, then take you very roughly from behind?

“Both my grandmothers died in 1997. You can’t give crock pots from beyond the grave,” I said.

Paul piped in. “I gave it to him for his birthday,” thereby condemning himself in Karen’s eyes too. He might as well have said “I hold the sheep reeeeeal tight, and Joey porks it reeeeeal good, hyuk, hyuk, hyuk.

“I could have understood,” she continued, “if it were a Star Trek crock pot.” I made a mental note to go to the Silver Snail and buy a Seven of Nine sticker for the crock pot. I also decided not to tell her that I was interested in getting one of those George Foreman grills.

Paul to the defense again: “The crock pot is cooool,” he said, in almost the same tone of voice he uses when Britney appears on TV and he says “she’s hoooot.”

“And what’s with the Swiffer?”

“Hey,” I replied, mounting my defense, “it’s not un-edgy to want to have a clean house. Like the saying goes, ‘you don’t shit where you eat’. Even Shaft kept a clean apartment. And the crock pot, well, it means I like low-fuss meals with only one thing to clean at the end of it all. Gives me more time to be ‘edgy’,” I said, pantomiming the quote-unquote marks with my fingers.

Apparently Karen didn’t want me to be too edgy; much later in the party, she complained that I’d run out of hand soap in the bathroom. I should’ve offered to Swiffer her hands clean.

More stories from the party in the next posting…

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Cheque, Please

Break out the Cubans and Veuve Clicquot — the divorce is final. Paul gave me a lift to the office where I used to work so that I could sign my final release/indemnity and stock options forms. In exchange, I got a cheque comprising payment for work-to-date, vacation pay, and severance money and a form that makes me eligible to collect pogey. I no longer have to deal with the administrivals, unless I want a letter of reference. I may request it, if only to make the acting CEO have to take time out of his day to write nice stuff about me. Make sure you use proper punctuation, bee-yatch!

Here’s a tip for any of you who are going to visit a company from which you have been recently fired or laid off: come in all smiles and greet management warmly. I did; not as a ploy, but because I was in a good mood, what with having had a good week and getting lots of rest. The higher up the ladder, the brighter my greeting and the wider my smile, the more they had trouble making eye contact with me.

It was good to see the programmers again. They all had nice things to say. Most of them had gone home early, as the office had been cleared out so that the old desks could be removed and cubicles could be installed in their place. In a moment of high irony, some of the workers who were still at the office had commandeered the boardroom computer and projecter and were watching the Office Space DVD. They threw each other rueful looks of recognition whenever they saw something in the movie that was just like the office, especially when this line came up:

We don’t have a lot of time on this earth; we weren’t meant to spend it this way! Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day!

Immediately after that scene, I walked out of the boardroom to collect my cheque and saw the first of the cubicle walls being carted into the office by coverall-clad movers.

One of the programmers told me that M., the last of the original programmers, handed in a letter of resignation earlier this week. The fact that it happened shortly after my firing worried some of the guys. It meant that the last of the old guard programmers who’d built up the company were gone. The new guys– nice folks, great coders — were just a construction crew, far removed from the brainstorming and conceptualizing that we from the earlier generation got to do. The company’s reins had been handed over to a CEO-by-coup and a technocrat with the sense of imagination that God gave asparagus. The Dilbertization was now complete.

I grabbed my cheque and walked out of the building for the last time.

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T.G.I.F.

Although weekends aren’t all that different from weekdays for the unemployed.

Art Imitates Life

Well, I’ll be. Dilbert got sacked a day before I did! (My friend Ryan e-mailed me about this earlier today).

Monday, January 7: “I walk among them but I am not one of them”.

Tuesday, January 8: “But…I’ll have to interact with people who know I’ve been downsized.”

Wednesday, January 9: Unemployment gets you chicks!

Thursday, January 10: A new situation calls for a new look.

Friday, January 11: Looking for work.

Saturday, January 12: Customer service.

“Some people claim that our biz dev’s to blame / but I know / it’s the VC’s fault…”

My friend George Scriban has a new blog, called Radio Blogaritaville, in which he comments about “The Industry”. It’s a great read that follows the three C’s of snarky industry journalism: concise, correct and caustic. Dave Winer says that it “could win the prize for best named blog next year if it sticks around.” Personally, I think The Register should hire him as their “man in New York“. Go read it now, or wallow in the filth of your ignorance.