The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century

While the three of clubs is a legitimate choice, I think that there might be a more appropriate card for the Queen of Hearts. Just sayin’.

NBC news takes burying the lede to new heights with John Torres’ report, in which he says that “Bleeding is the leading cause of death at a mass shooting.” They even made a graphic to reinforce the point:

But here’s some good news, folks: you’ve got slightly worse odds than a coin flip of surviving if someone fortunate enough not to get shot can make it to your position and perform battlefield medicine on you within the time it takes to cook a soft-boiled egg:

“The teenagers are practicing the same technique I teach combat medics to use on the battlefield,” says Torres, either ignorant of or indifferent to the subtext: It’s perfectly normal to turn underage kids in a supposedly first world country into wartime battlefield doctors, because guns don’t kill people — bleeding kills people.

You can watch NBC Nightly News’ video here, as well as this segment that ran in local news in Columbus, Ohio:

The resemblance is striking, isn’t it?
Click the photo to see it at full size.

He couldn’t be bothered to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the Armistice because of light rain, but at least he gave us a fantastic opportunity to put his photo side by side with this iconic scene from The Omen.

Click the map to see it at full size.

In today’s edition of the French newspaper Le Monde (whose name translates as “The World”), in an article titled Le divorce Europe-Etats-Unis : la famille occidentale sous tension (“The Europe – United States divorce: the Western family under stress”), comes this interesting revelation:

Earlier this year, when meeting with leaders from Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia at the White House, Trump criticized them from starting the war in the 1990s that shattered the country formerly known as Yugoslavia. The leaders — who were from Baltic countries (countries that ring the Baltic Sea, in northern Europe) — were confused about what Trump was talking about until it dawned on them: “OMFG — dumb-ass thinks we’re from BalKAN countries!” (countries in the Balkan Peninsula, 1000 miles south).

It’s strange that a Wharton-educated “very stable genius” who’s traveled around the world would not know the difference the difference between the Baltics and the Balkans, and even stranger since:

• He has real-estate interests (and probably a boss) in a country whose western shores touch water from the Baltic sea, and
• His (current) wife is from the Balkans.

In order to spare you the embarrassment of making the same mistake, I’ve created the map at the top of this article. Enjoy!

Click the image to see it at full size.

The slide reads:

Yuri Gagarin

(write it down)

#insane

If you can name five Kardashians
but don’t know the name of the first
human to strap himself to a giant-
ass missile and get shot into space
and make it back alive, it doesn’t
mean you’re a bad person but you
should probably reevaluate your
internet and reading habits.

Well put.

Now can you answer this: Who was the first woman in space?

Here’s the background story: