The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century

Here’s the text with link annotations for the Zoomer blabber…

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, liked flexing that they very basic, thank u. Tbh they were the last people you’d think would be sus, but they were all fax no printer.

Mr. Dursley was adulting at a firm called Grunnings, which made drills.

He was a dummy thiccc (w/ three Cs) man with hardly any neck, although he had an absolute unit of a mustache. Mrs. Dursley was a total Karen with zero chill and had hella neck, which came in very useful when she was stalking her neighbours and not minding her own.

The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley who they thought was the main character. The Dursleys were mostly thriving, but they also had lowkey tea which didn’t pass the vibe check and their greatest fear was to get called out and cancelled. They were girlbossing too close to the sun and didn’t think they could…

Don’t drag Gen Z kids for using the word “unalive.” As un-erudite as it sounds, it has a clever origin: it was coined to get around automated social media filters that block words like kill, death, and similar terms, yet doesn’t its meaning is easily grasped by people who’ve never encountered the word before.