In a new interview with his personal fluffer, Sean Hannity, Donald Trump test-ballooned his latest defense for illegally (and potentially treasonously) keeping U.S. government secret documents on his private gold club/residence:
“If you’re the president of the United States, you can declassify just by saying, ‘It’s declassified’.
Even by thinking about it, because you’re sending it to Mar-a-Lago or to wherever you’re sending it. … There can be a process, but there doesn’t have to be.”
It’s an understanding of secret documents that’s equal to the “I said so” rule of schoolyard games, or perhaps Michael Scott’s understanding of bankruptcy on The Office:
There were over 300 such documents stored at Mar-a-Lago, which is not a facility up to the task of securing such things. The search was a result of an earlier finding of other secret documents at the site.
DeSantis may have been inspired by a segment on Tucker Carlson’s show
A couple of days ago, Media Matters’ Matthew Gertz astutely tweeted that “when GOPers do depraved stuff it’s worth looking for the Fox host who suggested it.”
To no one’s surprise, the Fox host who suggested it was the host of Fox’s own White Power Hour: Swanson frozen foods heir Tucker Carlson, host of an old-timey white–fear-and-rage–stoking evening show.
Anyway when GOPers do depraved stuff it’s worth looking for the Fox host who suggested it. Tucker Carlson, July 26: “[Martha’s Vineyard residents] are begging for more diversity. Why not send migrants there, in huge numbers?” pic.twitter.com/R7Gvj9PsBE
— Matthew Gertz (@MattGertz) September 15, 2022
The migrants were given fake brochures about Massachusetts’ refugee benefits
DeSantis insists that the migrants boarded the plane voluntarily, but the migrants say that they were misled by a “blonde mystery woman” named “Perla,” who offered them McDonald’s gift cards, a free flight to a “sanctuary,” and other assistance.
The newsletter Popular Information obtained a phony brochure written in English and Spanish that was provided to the migrants, pictured below:
Designed (poorly) to look like an official brochure, it says that migrants who arrive in Massachusetts would be eligible for a lot of benefits, including:
- 8 months’ cash assistance
- Housing assistance
- Food
- Clothing
- Transportation to job interviews
- Job training
- Job placement
- Registering children for school
- Assistance applying for Social Security cards
Popular Information got the brochure from Lawyers for Civil Rights, a Boston-based law firm representing 30 of the migrants.
DeSantis’ communications director Taryn Fenske told Florida’s Voice that the brochure was legitimate and that the information it contained was accurate. However, what she omitted is even more important:
- The brochure was not produced by the State of Massachusetts, nor is it official. It’s a “homemade” document pieced together from cut-and-pasted text from various Massachusetts government sites.
- While the benefits listed exist, the migrants to whom they were given are not eligible for them. While refugees are eligible for such benefits, these migrants are seeking asylum, and refugee benefits don’t apply.
- The devil is in the details. In trying to provide DeSantis with a loophole, Fenske insisted “the brochure does not say migrants immediately have access to the benefits.” But it worked — the idea was to convince them that those benefits were forthcoming, and all they had to do was board the plane.
Boston-based immigration attorney Matt Cameron summed up the situation quite well:
“DeSantis clearly does not know the legal difference between refugees (who are eligible for resettlement benefits) and asylum applicants (who are not).
It’s legally no different than promising someone who you know to have had no military service that they will be eligible for veterans benefits.”
Cameron also said the brochures “are either evidence of criminal intent or criminal stupidity.” My feeling:
FDOT (Florida Department of Transportation) paid a secretive Oregon-based company to fly the migrants, and now that company’s website is offline
Here’s a record of a payment from FDOT to one “Vertol Systems Company Inc.” dated September 16, 2022 for the sum of $950,000. It’s courtesy of the @TampaniaBlog Twitter account:
They tweet:
I’m not sure if anyone sees my tweets but the State has a new payment of $950,000 pending for Vertol Systems! Listed as project #2-3.
A total of $1,565,000 to Vertol for “relocating” immigrants. pic.twitter.com/TJjUA04JKo— Tampania (@TampaniaBlog) September 19, 2022
Typically, you’d be able to go to Vertol Systems’ site and see that they’re based in Oregon’s Hillsboro rather than Florida’s Hillsborough County and that they’re in the business of “specialized aircraft solutions specific to unique requirements.”
But you can’t. The site has been taken down…
…and quite interestingly (yet unsurprisingly), their LinkedIn company profile is unclaimed:
A Texas sheriff is launching an investigation into these flights, since they were a join operation with Texas
Bexar County Sheriff Javier Salazar confirmed the investigation during a press conference Monday “to clear the air for everyone,” alleging that 48 migrants were “lured under false pretenses” to stay at a hotel for a couple of days, shuttled to a plane, flown to Florida, and eventually transported to Martha’s Vineyard, where they had been promised work and solutions to other problems.
From Sheriff Salazar’s Twitter account:
I have officially opened a criminal investigation against the individual(s) who lured and transported 48 migrants from the Migrant Resource Center in San Antonio, TX to Martha’s Vineyard. If you or someone you know has been impacted, please email bcsotips@bexar.org
— SheriffSalazar (@sheriffsalazar) September 20, 2022
DeSantis’ plan is backfiring
- CNN: Donations poured in and volunteers rushed to help: Here’s how Martha’s Vineyard communities responded to the arrival of migrants
- Episcopal News Service: Episcopal church on Martha’s Vineyard takes in migrants flown in by surprise
- Boston Globe: “At first, they were surprised, just like us.” Martha’s Vineyard responds to surprise arrival of planeloads of migrants.
And garbage human that she is, Christina Pushaw, Rapid Response Director for DeSantis’ reelection campaign tweeted this:
Martha’s Vineyard residents should be thrilled about this. They vote for sanctuary cities — they get a sanctuary city of their own. And illegal aliens will increase the town’s diversity, which is strength. Right?
https://t.co/rxSkQ9XdKA #FoxNews
— Christina Pushaw 🐊 🇺🇸 (@ChristinaPushaw) September 15, 2022
Here’s a screencap, just in case she deletes it, as she is wont to do:
Categories
Worst. Mnemonic. Ever.
This is a good set of checks to perform before attempting a forced landing of your airplane, but the mnemonic that the book came up for it is terrible.
In the middle of a crisis situation, you’ll probably forget how many “S’s” there are, or that one of the “S” checks is for “S(c)ivilization.”
The Florida Poutine Co. truck is run by someone who used to live in the Montreal area and makes their own cheese curds. In proper Montreal style, they also sell les steamés and les toastés (Montreal-style steamed and toasted hot dogs; they’re significant enough to get their own Wikipedia entry).
I especially love that there’s a pronunciation guide on the side of the truck that tells you how to say “poutine” like a proper Quebecois: “puts-in.”
Here’s the menu:
It might be a while before I get to try them out, as they’re based in Myakka City, which is due east of Sarasota and southeast of “Bradentucky.”
Maybe the Queen’s will said “In the event of my death, the corgis should go to the groomer” and they misinterpreted the request.
Can we please make this the official logo for cryptocurrencies? And while we’re at it, American healthcare?
(Cough, cough)Ron DeSantis(Cough)
If you’re really a “Little Mermaid purist,” you should insist on the original way-more-gruesome version. Remember, it was written by Hans Christian Andersen, who was not only a nightmare writer, but also a nightmare houseguest.
Brett Favre is guilty of at least two heinous crimes:
- Mispronouncing his own damn last name (it’s of French origin, and really should be pronounced “Fav-RAY” and not “barf, but starting with the letter f”), and
- Redirecting welfare funds that should have gone to Mississippi’s poor to build a volleyball stadium.
Maybe it’s just unfortunately sign placement, but you might think twice before getting the beef jerky.
A guy once tried to fight me after I said that The Star-Spangled Banner is in 3/4 time (possibly because he thought all 3/4 songs are waltzes, and he believed that waltzes are wimpy).
But it is in 3/4 time. You could either just listen to the song and count, or you could consult the sheet music.
Once again, an important public service message:
A reminder for those of you who believe there’s a “War on Christmas” and who were upset about Pride Month earlier this summer.
As the gas prices continue to drop, I’m posting this as a reminder to you dolts who posted or bought into the Biden “I did that!” stickers we saw on gas pumps all summer.
Also:
Seriously, are you even good enough to qualify for impostor syndrome?
Whoever wrote this doesn’t believe in the God-given right for every American to have a gun and diabetes. “The beeping actually helps — it’ll cover the sound of me reloading!”
“Hey, it’s a 9-millimeter gun! That’s metric! See? I USE THE METRIC SYSTEM!!!”
Listen to this doctor…
…and not this one:
At last, the reason I went into tech instead of medicine like the rest of my family.
Once upon I time, I used to associate an American flag on your social media profile as meaning “having a can-do attitude.”
These days, it’s more often than not that it means this instead:
It’s an iron-clad law of humor that the butt is always funny:
It would appear that way.
As a super-social guy, the incessant “I hate going outside and dealing with people” posts drive me crazy, but this one at least made me chuckle:
And finally, let me leave you with this blessing:
The Publix submarine sandwich, better known as the Pub Sub, is a beloved treat in the southeastern United States, and now that I live in the area, I too am a Pub Sub devotee.
So when Anitra found out that…
- Pub Sub t-shirts exist, and
- they’re on sale — down from $25 to $10
…we ordered some from the online store (here’s the page for the unisex white t-shirt, and here’s the page for the ladies’ pink t-shirt).
Now I’m looking for a good speaking engagement or accordion gig where I can wear my new shirt.