Bad News Hughes, whose “Diary of Indiginities” entries are hilarious, tells a story of how he learned that the secret to being cool is knowing when to shut up.
Me and The Redhead. It’s good to be the king.
Tomorrow, I fly out to Boston to visit The Redhead. There’s a gathering tomorrow night at Clery’s for beer and dinner — feel free to drop by!
Gotta love how straightforward Boston food cart signage is. They also have carts marked “COOKED MEAT” and “LIQUID IN CANS AND BOTTLES”.
“Round-eye will pay. Ooooh yes, round-eye will pay.” What this man needs is an accordion.
An Asian dude by the name of Wesley has a site called Stuff That Is Awesome, and on it, he’s publsihed a bitter, funny and at least partly-true essay called The Curse of the Asian Man. It may help explain why Details’ Gay or Asian? puff piece garnered so much ire.
Go give it a look. I love the illustrations he included:
It’s true: in fact, the next items on the “To-Do” list in my iCal are “Avenge death”, followed by “Pick up dry cleaning”.
I stumbled across this entry after seeing this entry in Richard’s Just a Gwai Lo, which took me to this entry in Karl’s La Grange, which in turn took me to the asian asymmetry entry in Joseph’s Goatee, which also points to this entry in Nora’s blog, Au Jus, in which she writes:
Your comments, please…
Someday, when Meryle runs for Prime Minister, this picture will come back to haunt her.
In reponse to the recent entry, A slice of last night as a play in one act, both Liz and Graig have written responses in their blogs. Go check ’em out.
For more on the topic, check out:
Your comments, as always, are welcome.
The scene: A table at a ROOFTOP PATIO. The air is abuzz with mildly
inebriated conversation and the intoxicating scent of spring air,
budding flora and cute women. Seated at the table are the ACCORDION
GUY, MELLOW VELO, VIDEO CHICK. They are talking to an ENTHUSIASTIC
YOUNG LADY who has come over from another table to converse.
One of the ENTHUSIASTIC YOUNG LADY’s friends comes over to the table
and tells her its time for them to loeave. The ENTHUSIASTIC YOUNG LADY
takes her leave of the table. The ACCORDION GUY waits a beat before
talking.
ACCORDION GUY: She’s cute and seems both clever and fun. You should’ve asked for her phone number. If I were a free man and a shade younger…
MELLOW VELO: Ehhhh…I dunno.
ACCORDION GUY: Dude, have you
been falling behind on your testoterone payments lately? Girl! Possibly
available! You! Available for too long! Go! There’s still time to catch up! Go!
MELLOW VELO gets up, makes a half-hearted five steps toward the door, stops, turns around and returns to his seat.
MELLOW VELO: Naaaaah.
ACCORDION GUY: Why’d you stop?
MELLOW VELO: If she was really interested, she’d have given me her phone number.
ACCORDION GUY (slaps hand on forehead): Oh, dear God, you are so stunningly wrong. I’m calling in experts. Hey, Video Chick, I need a woman’s opinion here in aisle seven…
VIDEO CHICK: Sure. What about?
ACCORDION GUY: I know that’s
its the 21st century and all that, but…let’s suppose you meet a guy
and you like him. Would you prefer that he make the first move and give
you his phone number, or would you rather do it?
VIDEO CHICK: I prefer it when
the guy does it. But that never happens anymore; I have to make the
first move. You know why? Because boys are pussies these days. Pussies!
ACCORDION GUY (making pelvic
thrust motions under the table, arms lifted above head): Ask The
Redhead. Not all boys. (Turns to MELLOW VELO) Dude, as soon as you
found out she was outdoorsy and an enginner, you were looking at her
the way Marlon Brando looks at pork chops!
VIDEO CHICK: Boys suck.
MELLOW VELO: Yeah, but I didn’t get an interested vibe from her.
ACCORDION GUY: Even when the
odds seem bad, I always step up to bat. Or at least I did, when I was
available. Which I’m not anymore, because I stepped up to the plate every time. This is just like the time that girl was checking me out and you told the entire table except for me.
MELLOW VELO: If something was going to happen, something would have happened.
ACCORDION GUY (clasping both sides of his head): You don’t know that, and I can’t act on information I don’t know! When did you get into predestination, anyway?
MELLOW VELO: I’ve seen you play
the odds, and you always worked the interested girls harder. There are
the ones who don’t pay any attention, and then there are the ones
pawing the accordion, and then you. Remember what’s-her-face from Lee’s
Palace?
ACCORDION GUY (wistfully): [Sigh]
Yeah. (snaps to) But — uh — as I was going to say, you have to
actually step forward and make some kind of move before you can even
hope to determine who’s interested and who’s not. Do you agree, Video
Chick?
VIDEO CHICK: Boys. Are. Pussies.
I’ve been saying this for years:
